Worst jokes

Why did the punk cross the road?
→ Because he was stapled to the chickens back.

This morning I woke up to the unmistakable scent of pigs in a blanket.

That's the price you pay for letting the relatives stay over.

If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?

When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts", and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny?

What is an activity performed by 40% of all people at a party?
→ Snoop in your medicine cabinet.

How many surrealists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
→ Two.

One to hold the giraffe and the other to fill the bathtub with brightly colored machine tools.

What occurs twice in a lifetime, but only once in a year, twice in a week, but never in a day?
→ The letter "E"

A dyslexic man walks into a bra...

Three men die in a car accident on Christmas Eve. They all find themselves at the Pearly Gates waiting to enter Heaven. On entering, they are told that they must present something with a flavor in order to get in.

The first man searches his pocket, and finds some pine needles from the family's Christmas tree. He is allowed entry to Heaven.

The second man offers a bow and some ribbon, from presents that were opened earlier that evening. He too is allowed entry to Heaven.

The third man reaches into his pocket and produces a pair of panties.

Confused at the man's gesture, St. Peter asks:

- How do panties represent Christmas?

The man replies:

- Oh, they're Carol's.

Hear about the guy who played a blank tape at full blast.

The mime next door went nuts.