Worst jokes

Three men are going through CIA training, trying to become secret agents. They finally got through all their written and physical tests when they are pulled aside by one of the instructors who took them to a small room with another room adjacent to it. They brought the first guy's wife into the room and left her there. The instructor then loaded two rounds into a pistol, handed it to the first man saying:

- Go kill your wife of five years.

The trainee took the weapon, went into the next room. He came back out one minute later and said:

- I can't do it.

The instructor replied:

- Then you fail out, so get out.

The second candidate's wife was brought to the room. The instructor then loaded two rounds into a pistol, handed it to the second man and said:

- Go kill your wife of ten years.

The trainee took the weapon, went into the next room, but returned three minutes later and said:

- I can't do it.

The instructor replied:

- Then you fail out - get out.

Finally, the third candidate's wife was left in the adjacent room. The instructor loaded two rounds into a pistol, handed it to the third man and said:

- Go kill your wife of fifteen years.

The trainee took the weapon, went into the next room where there is silence for one minute. Suddenly, there was the sound of two gunshot, followed by a huge commotion in the room. The third man came out finally, sweating profusely, and said:

- You gave me blanks, so I had to choke her.

A man was recently flying to New York. He decided to strike up a conversation with his seat mate.

- I've got a great policeman joke. Would you like to hear it?

- I should let you know first that I am a policeman.

- That's OK. I'll tell it really slow!

Two robbers were robbing a hotel. The first one said:

- I hear sirens. Jump!

The second one said:

- But we're on the 13th floor!

The first one screamed back:

- This is no time to be superstitious.

A murderer, sitting in the electric chair, was about to be executed.

- Have you any last requests? - asked the chaplain.

- Yes - replied the murderer.

- Will you hold my hand?

Warning to shoplifters: Anyone caught shoplifting will be beaten, gagged, whipped and tortured. Any survivors will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law.

A cop pulls a car over on the highway for speeding. When he asks for the driver's license, the driver argued, "Speeding??? But officer, I was only trying to keep a safe distance between my car the car in back of me."

A judge grew tired of seeing the same town drunk in front of his bench. One day the judge glared down at the man, who was still intoxicated, and thundered:

- It is the sentence of this court that you be taken from here to a place of execution and there hanged by the neck until DEAD.

The drunk promptly fainted.

The court bailiff commenced to reviving the man, and looked up at the judge, at which time the judge shrugged and responded:

- I've always wanted to do that.

A tourist asks a man in uniform:

- Are you a policeman?

- No, I am an undercover detective.

- So why are you in uniform?

- Today is my day off.

- When I saw you driving down the road, I guessed 55 at least.

- You're wrong, officer, it's only my hat that makes me look that old.

On a rural road a state trooper pulled this farmer over and said:

- Sir, do you realize your wife fell out of the car several miles back?

To which the farmer replied:

- Thank God, I thought I had gone deaf!