Worst jokes

A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces. She responded, "Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."

A blonde and her husband are laying in bed watching TV, an old western is on. The husband says to his wife:

- I bet you breakfast in bed that the covered wagon hits a rock and the driver falls out dead,

- You're on - returned his wife.

They watch the western and sure enough the wagon hits a rock in the dirt road and the driver falls out of the wagon ... dead. The wife gets out of bed and returns shortly with a tray of food. After eating the husband says:

- I have to admit that I saw this movie before.

She in turn confesses:

- I saw the movie before too. But I didn't think he was stupid enough to ride over the same rock twice....

80,000 blondes meet in the Kansas City Chiefs Stadium for a "Blondes Are Not Stupid Convention". The leader says:

- We are all here today to prove to the world that blondes are not stupid. Can I have a volunteer?

A blonde gingerly works her way through the crowd and steps up to the stage.

The leader asks her:

- What is 15 plus 15?

After 15 or 20 seconds she says:

- Eighteen!

Obviously everyone is a little disappointed. Then 80,000 blondes start cheering:

- Give her another chance! Give her another chance!

The leader says:

- Well since we've gone to the trouble of getting 80,000 of you in one place and we have the world-wide press and global broadcast media here, gee, uh, I guess we can give her another chance.

So he asks:

- What is 5 plus 5?

After nearly 30 seconds she eventually says:

- Ninety?

The leader is quite perplexed, looks down and just lets out a dejected sigh -- everyone is disheartened -- the blonde starts crying and the 80,000 girls begin to yell and wave their hands shouting:

- GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE! GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE!

The leader, unsure whether or not he is doing more harm than damage, eventually says:

- Ok! Ok! Just one more chance -- What is 2 plus 2?

The girl closes her eyes, and after a whole minute eventually says:

- Four

Throughout the stadium pandemonium breaks out as all 80,000 girls jump to their feet, wave their arms, stomp their feet and scream...:

- GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE! GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE!

Did you hear about the blonde coyote? She got stuck in a trap, chewed off three of her legs and was still stuck.

A policeman was interviewing three blondes who wanted to become detectives. To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he showed the first blonde a picture for five seconds and then hid it.

- This is your suspect. How would you recognize him?

- That's easy! We'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!

- Well...uh...that's because the picture shows his profile.

Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashed the picture at the second blonde.

- This is your suspect. How would you recognize him?

- Ha! He'd be too easy to catch because he only has one ear! - said the second blonde, giggling and flipping her hair.

- What's the matter with you two? Of course only one eye and one ear are showing, because this is a picture of his profile! Is that the best answer you can come up with?

Extremely frustrated at this point, he showed the picture to the third blonde and said, in a very testy voice:

- This is your suspect. How would you recognize him?

He quickly added:

- And think hard before answering, so you don't say something completely idiotic.

The blonde looked at the picture intently for a moment and said:

- Hmmmm... The suspect wears contact lenses.

The policeman was stunned speechless, because he honestly didn't know whether the suspect wore contacts or not.

- Well, that's an interesting answer... Wait here for a few minutes while I check his file, and I'll get back to you on that.

He left the room and went to his office, checked the suspect's file in his computer, and came back beaming.

- Wow! - he said - I can't believe it... It's TRUE! The suspect does in fact wear contact lenses. Good work! But how were you able to make such an astute observation?

- That's easy - the blonde replied. He can't wear regular glasses, because he only has one eye and one ear.

A blonde guy and a brunette girl were happily married and about to have a baby. One day, the wife started having contractions so the husband rushed her to the hospital. He held her hand as she went through a trying birth. In the end, there were two little baby boys.

The blonde guy turns to the girl and angrily says:

- Alright. Who's the other father!

A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking. After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted:

- Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!

The shopkeeper said:

- By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll luck out and catch yourself a big one!

Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator.

Later in the day, the shopkeeper was driving home, when he spotted the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he saw a huge 9-foot alligator swimming quickly toward her. She took aim, killed the creature, and with a great deal of effort hauled it on to the swamp bank. Lying nearby were several more of the dead creatures. The shopkeeper watched in amazement.

Just then the blonde flipped the alligator on its back, and frustrated, shouts out:

- Damn it, this one isn't wearing any shoes either!

A man walks into a bar and sits down next to a beautiful blonde.

- I just got this amazing watch - he tells her. It can reads alpha waves, and can tell me what a person is thinking.

- What does it say about me? - asked the blonde.

- It says you want to sleep with me.

- Sorry - said the blonde - I think your watch is broken.

- Hmmm - said the man slowly examining the watch. It seems to be running an hour fast...

A blonde had just gotten a new sports car and was out for a drive when she cut off a truck driver. He motioned for her to pull over. When she did, he got out of his truck and pulled a piece of chalk from his pocket. He drew a circle on the road and told the blonde to stand in the circle and not move. He then went to her car and cut up her leather seats.

When he turned around she had a slight grin on her face, so he said:

- Oh, you think that's funny? Watch this.

He gets a baseball bat out of his truck and breaks every window in her car. When he turns and looks at her she has a smile on her face. He is getting really mad. He gets his knife back out and slices all her tires. Now she's laughing. The truck driver is really starting to lose it. He goes back to his truck and gets a can of gas, pours it on her car and sets it on fire.

He turns around and she is laughing so hard she is about to fall down.

- What's so funny? - The truck driver asked the blonde.

She replied:

- When you weren't looking, I stepped outside the circle 4 times.

Did you hear about the blonde man that locked his keys in his car?
→ Took him an hour to get his family out w/ a coat hanger.