Worst jokes

An airline captain was breaking in a new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a layover in another city. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.

The next morning, as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened. She answered the phone, crying, and said she couldn't get out of her room.

- You can't get out of your room? - the captain asked.

- Why not?

The stewardess replied:

- There are only three doors in here, - she sobbed.

- one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are stuck on an island. For years, they live there, and one day they find a magic lamp. They rub it, and sure enough, out comes a genie. The genie says:

- since I can only give out 3 wishes, you may each have one.

So the brunette goes first:

- I have been stuck here for years, I miss my family and my husband and my life - I just want to go home.

POOF, she is gone.

The redhead makes her wish:

- This place sucks, I want to go home too.

POOF, she is gone.

The blonde starts crying uncontrollably. The genie asks:

- What is the matter?

The blonde said:

- I wish my friends were here.

Josh was helping Sally, the blonde, clean out the trunk of her car. Inside, he noticed a bag labeled "Emergency Repair Kit". Looking at it a little closer, he noticed a stick of dynamite inside. Thinking that was a bit strange, he asked Sally what it was for.

She said:

- It's part of my emergency repair kit.

Josh said:

- I can see that, but why?

Sally replied:

- In case I have a flat and need to blow up one of my tires.

A blonde complained to her friend, "I can never trust my boyfriend. Why, he cheats so much I'm not even sure this baby I'm carrying is his!"

Two blondes suddenly got into bird hunting and were eager to try it out for themselves. They had read that a birddog is a great and useful accessory in bird hunting, so they decided to go to the pet shop and buy one. They asked for a well-trained birddog, and got one.

The two blondes immediately went to the woods to try it out. The dog didn't work. No matter how hard they tried, it just didn't follow their commands. They became really frustrated and one of the blondes said to her companion:

- Okay, we'll give him one more try. We'll throw him in the air one more time and if he doesn't fly, we're taking him back to the store!

A smart blonde and a dumb blonde both jump off a cliff at the same time. Who lands first?
→ The dumb blonde because smart blondes don't exist.

A blonde goes for a job interview in an office. The interviewer starts with the basics.

- So, Miss, can you tell us your age, please?

The blonde counts carefully on her fingers for half a minute before replying.

- Um ... 22.

The interviewer tries another straightforward one to break the ice.

- And can you tell us your height, please?

The young lady stands up and produces a measuring tape from her handbag. She then traps one end under her foot and extends the tape to the top of her head. She checks the measurement and announces:

- Five foot two!

This isn't looking good so the interviewer goes for the real basics, something that she won't have to count, measure, or lookup.

- Just to confirm for our records, your name please?

The blonde bobs her head from side to side for about fifteen seconds, mouthing something silently to herself, before replying:

- Cindy!

The interviewer is completely baffled at this stage, so he asks:

- What were you doing when I asked you your name?

- Oh, that! - replies the blonde.

- I was just running through that song, 'Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear...'

A professor invented a lie detecting chair. Whenever anybody sitting in it told a lie, the chair would open up and dump the liar on the floor. During an experiment, a brunette sat in the chair and the professor asked her to tell about herself. She began:

- I think you are the best teacher I've ever had.

The chair immediately dumped her on the floor.

After the brunette left in a snit, a blonde sat in the chair. The professor asked her to tell something of her life. She began:

- I think -

The next thing she knew, she was sitting in the floor.

There's a brunette walking down a set of railroad tracks saying:

- 21, 21, 21...

Then a blonde pulls up, gets out of her car, and says:

- What are you doing?

The brunette replies:

- Just counting.

The blonde says:

- May I join you?

- Yes, - replies the brunette.

So the blonde and the brunette are now both walking down the railroad tracks saying:

- 21, 21, 21...

A train comes and the brunette jumps off the tracks as the blonde gets hit. After the train passes, the brunette gets back on the tracks and says:

- 22, 22, 22...

A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show in a small club in a small town in Arkansas. With his dummy on his knee, he's going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and starts shouting:

- I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the color of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as a person, because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against, not only blondes, but women in general...and all in the name of humor!

The ventriloquist is embarrassed and begins to apologize, when the blonde yells:

- You stay out of this, mister! I'm talking to that little jerk on your knee!