Guest
Sinking Ship
Bill & Hilary Clinton are on a sinking ship, who gets saved?
→ The nation!
Worst jokes
- All
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- War 134
- Women Jokes 1241
- Yo Mama Jokes 333
Guest
Rule Of Thumb
The phrase "rule of thumb" is derived from an old English law which stated that you couldn't beat your wife with anything wider than your thumb.
Guest
Like And Love
What is the difference between 'like' and 'love'?
→ Spit and swallow!
The IRS Penis Tax
To: All Male U.S. Citizens
From: I.R.S. Service Center
Re: Notice of increase in tax payments
The only thing that the I.R.S. has not taxed yet is your penis. This is due to the fact that 40% of the time it is hanging around unemployed, 20% of the time it is pissed off, 30% of the time it is hard up and 10% of the time it is in the hole. On top of that, it has 2 dependants and they are both nuts.
Effective January 1, 1998 your penis will be taxed according to size. The categories are as follows:
- 10 - 12 inches....... Luxury Tax $30.00
- 8 -10............... Pole Tax $25.00
- 5 -8................ Privilege Tax $15.00
- 4 -5................ Nuisance Tax $3.00
Males exceeding 12" must file a capital gains return. NOTE: Anyone under 4" is eligible for a refund. PLEASE DO NOT ASK FOR AN EXTENSION!
Sincerely,
Pecker Checker
I.R.S
Guest
The Dyed Blonde
There was this blonde girl who had gotten fed up with blonde jokes, so she decided to dye her hair black.
So she did, and she was sooooo happy with it that she went to her car and drove around just to show off her new look. She was coming up to this intersection when she saw a shepeherd by the road waiting to cross with his flock of lambs. The girl stopped and waved him to pass.
While the flock was crossing the road, she asked the shepherd:
- If I can guess how many sheep you got there, would you give me one?
He thought about the offer for a minute and decided it was ok. The girl looked at the flock and exclaimed:
- 487. The shepherd said:
- WOW! That's right...well...take any sheep you like...a deal's a deal. So she gets the animal and happily puts him in the back of her car, when the shepehrd says:
- WAIT!
Now I have a deal for you.... if I guess the real color of your hair can I have my dog back?
Guest
Fish And Elephant
What do you get when you cross a fish and an elephant?
→ SWIMMING TRUNKS !!!
Guest
Driving Miss Blondy
What do you call a blonde behind a stearingwheel?
→ An airbag!
Guest
Blonde Lesbian
Did ya hear about the blonde lesbian?
→ She liked guys!
Guest
The Old Drunk
Neighbors had complained to the mayor about the noisy pub on the corner of 3rd & Lambourne. Seems that the old cronies got together every friday & saturday, played cards, drank beer, told lies and jokes until 2am Saturday morning, when the pub had to close.
Officer Redding, parked down the street was not amused. He checked his watch, noted it was 01:55, time for the old drunks to start leaving. If he hadn't been assigned this crap detail he'd be down at the I-80 Truck stop about now having a nice hot cup of coffee. Redding pulled out a cigarette and was about to light up when the door of the pub slammed open and an old geezer stumbled out. Redding put the smoke back in the pack; he was "on point" now.
The old man stumbled around, fished his car keys out of his pocket, dropped them a couple of times, finally found them and weaved down the sidewalk and across the road to his car.
Redding started his engine, watching carefully as the old man fumbled to unlock his door. Other patrons leaving the pub seemed a little tipsy, but nothing like the old goat trying to get into his car. As soon as the old man's car started to pull away from the curb, Redding was on him like a hound on a bone, siren, redlights and loudspeaker. Redding wanted these complaining neighbors to know the city was doing it's job.
- Outta the car, old man! - demanded Redding.
- But officer, I haven't had anything to drink! - complained the old boy.
- Sure, you haven't, oldtimer, sure you haven't - replied Redding as he put the cuffs on the old guy and hauled him downtown.
At the station, the old man blew into the breathalyzer and the needle didn't move.
- What the... YOU haven't been drinking, old timer!
- But that's what I tried to tell you back there, officer!
- Well then why were you stumbling all over the place? - asked Redding.
- Well, officer, tonight when we all got to the pub, they elected me to be the 'designated drunk' when the place closed down!
Second Honeymoon
The old couple were planning to go on a second honeymoon for their 50th wedding anniversary.
The old woman said:
- We will go to all the same places that we did on our first honeymoon.
- Uh huh - said the old man.
- We will do all the things that we did on our first honeymoon - said the old woman.
- Uh huh - said the old man.
- And we will make love like we did on our first honeymoon - said the old woman.
- That's right - said the old man, except this time I get to sit on the side of the bed and cry, 'It's too big, it's too big!'