Worst jokes

A three legged dog walks into a saloon in the old west and siddles up to the bar and announces: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw!"

A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories.

After about an hour, the hotel manager came out of his office and asked them to disperse.

- But why? - they asked, as they moved off.

- Because, - he said - I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.

A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal' while the other goes to a family in Spain and is named 'Juan'. Years later Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds...:

- But they are twins and if you've seen Juan you've seen Amal.

A Doctor made it his regular habit to stop at a bar for a hazelnut daiquiri on his way home. The bartender knew of his habit, and would always have the Doctor's drink waiting for him at precisely 5:03 PM. One afternoon, as the end of the workday approached, the bartender was dismayed to find that he was out of hazelnut extract. Thinking quickly, he threw together a daiquiri made with hickory nuts and set it on the bar. The Doctor came in and took a sip of the drink and exclaimed:

- This isn't a hazelnut daiquiri!

- No, I'm sorry - replied the bartender...

- It's a hickory daiquiri, Doc.

- Ted: Last night my computer died.

- Ned: What did it die of?

- Ted: A terminal illness

Don't steal... The government doesn't like competition!

Two pieces of string walk into a bar. The first one walks up to the bar and says:

- Barkeep! Give me a beer!

The bartender replies:

- Well uh..aren't you a piece of string?

The piece of string answers:

- Yeah!

And the bartender says:

- Well get out of here! We don't serve your kind!

So the first piece of string walks back towards the door. The second piece of string says:

- Hey wait, hold on a minute!

- You're not doing it right, watch this.

He ties himself in a knot and frizzes out the top of his head. He walks up to the bar and says:

- Barkeep! Give me a beer!

The bartender said:

- Aren't you a piece of string?

The piece of strings replies:

- Nope, I'm afraid not!

What's better than winning 4 gold medals at the special olympics?
→ Not being retarded!

You're so stupid, you got locked in a grocery store and starved!!

Let a pig and a boy have everything they want, and you'll get a good pig and a bad boy.