Worst jokes

There was this 8 year old kid who lived with his 82 year old grandma. He had been living with her for some time, and he thought, that with all the work she does, he could at least make her a cup of coffee in the morning. So he woke up early one day, and made a cup of coffee and brought it to his grandma. She took one drink of it and died instantly.

He called 911, and the paramedics rushed over there. While examining the grandma, one of the paramedics pulls out a little plastic green soldier from her throat. After the paramedic learns that the kid made her coffee and put that soldier in there, of course, the first question is "why".

The kid answered:

- Grandma always said, 'The best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup'!

What happened to Chelsea Clinton's younger brother?
→ Monica swallowed him!

What is the difference between a female lawyer and a pitbull?
→ Lipstick

Sung to the Oscar Mayer? song:
His baloney has a first name,
It's:

- I did not inhale.

His baloney has a second name:

- I wasn't getting tail.

He loves to sling it every day,
The White House people all just say,
That Billy Clinton has a way
Of making bullshit sound OK!"

- Knock Knock...

- Who's There?

- Boo...

- Boo Who?

- Stop crying it's just a joke!

How do you catch a unique rabbit?
→ Unique up on him.

How do you catch a tame rabbit?
→ Tame way, unique up on him.

Is that your head or is your neck blowing a bubble?

Don't let your mind wander too far. It is too little to go out alone!

What happens when you play Country music records backwards?
→ You Sober up, your wife comes home and your dog returns to life!

Two Boll Weevils grew up in South Carolina, one went to Hollywood and became a famous actor while the other stayed behind in the cotton fields and never amounted to much.

The second one, naturally, became known as the "lesser of two weevils."