Worst jokes

You should "never" drink during tax season.

- You might shoot at tax collectors and miss!

What do you call 13 witches in a hot tub?
→ A self cleaning coven!

Don't be sexist... broads hate that!

Don't hate yourself in the morning - sleep till noon.

Earn cash in your spare time.. blackmail your friends!

One guy says to another guy:

- Mandelbaum and Rosenstern were talking one day...

Right away, his friend interrupts him:

- Always with the Jewish jokes! Give it a rest! Why do they always have to be about Jews? Just change the names to another ethnic group for once!

So he starts again:

- Hashimoto and Suzuki were talking one day at their nephew's Bar Mitzvah...

There are three guys who are good friends. One is an American, one is Polish, and one is Italian.

They are driving together one day when they get into a car accident. They all die and float up towards the gates of Heaven. When they get there, an angel who tells them they are all on the border of Heaven and Hell. As a result, they have the choice to either ask a question of the angel or be asked a question. If they answer correctly, or if the angel answers incorrectly on their question, they will pass into Heaven.

The Italian guy goes first. He tells the angel to ask him a question. The angel says:

- How many grains of sand are there in the world?

The Italian guy says:

- Um, four trillion? and falls straight to Hell.

The polish guy goes next and wants the angel to ask a question. The angel says:

- How many drops of water are there in all of the world's oceans?

He says:

- Uh, ninety-eight billion? and also falls straight to Hell.

Finally, it's the American's turn. He tells the angel he will ask the question, but he needs a pencil and paper. The angel snaps his fingers and it magically appears. The American proceeds to take the paper, makes hundreds of holes in it with the pencil and farts through it. He then asks the angel:

- Which hole did my fart go through?

The angel replies:

- That's easy, and points to a hole.

The American says:

- No, it came out of this one! and points to his butt, and then goes to Heaven.

A Border Patrol agent is on duty. He spots two Mexicans and stops them. They show him their papers, but he thinks they are phony.

He tells them:

- Okay, I have a test for you. I want you to use the words liver and cheese in a sentence.

So, the first guy says:

- I made a liver and cheese sandwich for lunch.

The agent says:

- That was good, you can go. What about you? - he asks the second guy.

He says:

- Liver alone, cheese mine.

What did the blonde say when she saw the YMCA sign??
→ LOOK!!! They spelled MACY's wrong!!!!

For months, Mrs. Pitzel had been nagging her husband to go with her to the seance parlor of Madame Freda:

- Milty, she's a real gypsy, and she brings the voices of the dead from the other world. We all talk to them! Last week, I talked with my mother, may she rest in peace.

- Milty, for twenty dollars you can talk to your zayde (grandfather) who you misses so much!

Milton Pitzel could not resist her appeal. At the very next seance at Madam Freda's Seance Parlor, Milty sat under the colored light at the green table, holding hands with the person on each side.

All were humming:

- Oooom, oooom, tonka tooom.

Madame Freda, her eyes lost in trance, was making passes over a crystal ball.

- My medium... Vashtri, - she called.

- Come in. Who is that with you? Who? Mr. Pitzel? Milton Pitzel's Zayde?

Milty swallowed the lump in his throat and called:

- Grampa? Zayde?

- Ah, Milteleh? - a thin voice quavered.

- Yes! Yes! - cried Milty.

- This is your Milty! Grandfather, are you happy in the other world?

- Milteleh, I am in bliss. With your bubbie together, we laugh, we sing. We gaze upon the shining face of the Lord! A dozen more questions did Milty ask of his zayde, and each question did his zayde answer, until:

- So now, Milteleh, I have to go. The angels are calling. Just one more question I can answer. Ask. Ask.

- Zayde, when did you learn to speak English? - sighed Milty.