Worst jokes

Why are dumb blonde jokes one liners?
→ So men can understand them.

The young newly married Catholic couple were regular attendants at Mass. As like all newly married couples, they were in a constant state of arousal. Well they didn't want to do anything wrong so they approached their Parish Priest for advice.

- Father, - the young couple asked ... is it ok to have sex before Mass?

The not so young Priest responded after a few moments of reflection ...:

- yes my children it's ok to have sex before Mass .. but please don't block the aisles...

A lady had a height problem - she was TOO tall, being excatly 2 meters tall. She hated the way she had to duck to walk through a doorway, the way she felt so uncomfortable in a car... So she visited an expert. The expert said:

- Go visit the Dwarven Town. It's full of dwarfs. Find any dwarf, and ask him if he'll marry you. Every time a dwarf says 'no,' you grow 10 cm shorter!

The lady did as she was told. She went to the Dwarven Town, and found a dwarf, and asked if he would marry her. He refused. She found herself 10 cm shorter. She quickly repeated this act another time on another dwarf. Now 180 cm tall, she decided to ask one more dwarf then go home. She boldly walked up to a dwarf and asked if he would marry her. The dwarf replied:

- No, no, no, no, no...! I don't want to marry a tall person like you! You're too tall! No, no, no, no, no!

I took some friends out to dinner last week, and I noticed a spoon in the shirt pocket of our waiter as he handed us the menus. It seemed a little odd, but I dismissed it as a random thing. Until our busboy came with water & tableware; he too, sported a spoon in his breast pocket. I looked around the room, and all the waiters, waitresses, busboys, etc. had spoons in their pockets.

When our waiter returned to take our order, I just had to ask:

- Why the spoons?

- Well, our parent company recently hired some Andersen Consulting efficiency experts to review all our procedures, and after months of statistical analyses, they concluded that our patrons drop spoons on the floor 73% more often than any other utensil; at a frequency of 3 spoons per hour per workstation. By preparing all our workers for this contingency in advance, we can cut our trips to the kitchen down and save time...nearly 1.5 extra man-hours per shift. - he explained.

Just as he concluded, a "ch-ching" came from the table behind him, and he quickly replaced a fallen spoon with the one from his pocket.

- I'll grab another spoon the next time I'm in the kitchen instead of making a special trip, - he proudly explained.

I was impressed:

- Thanks. I had to ask.

- No problem, - he answered, then he continued to take our orders.

As the members of my dinner party took their turns, my eyes darted back & forth from each person ordering and my menu. That's when, out of the corner of my eye, I spotted a thin, black thread protruding from our waiter's fly. Again, I dismissed it; yet I had to scan the room and, sure enough, there were other waiters & busboys with strings hanging out of their trousers.

My curiosity overrode discretion at this point, so before he could leave I had to ask:

- Excuse me, but...uh...why, or what...about that string?

- Oh, yeah - he began in a quieter tone.

- Not many people are that observant. That same efficiency group found we could save time in the Men's room, too.

- How's that? - I asked.

- You see, by tying a string to the end of our, eh. . ., selves, we can pull it out at the urinals literally hands-free and thereby eliminate the need to wash our hands, cutting time spent in the restroom by over 93%!

- Oh, that makes sense, - I said, but then thinking through the process, I asked:

- Hey, wait a minute. If the string helps you pull it out, how do you get it back in?

- Well, I don't know about the other guys; but I use the spoon in my pocket! - he whispered.

A duck walks into a convenience store. He asks the man at the counter:

- You got any grapes?

Guy at the counter says:

- No, we don't have any grapes.

Duck says:

- okay. - and he leaves.

The next day the duck comes back in and says:

- You got any grapes?

The man once again replies:

- No! We do not have any grapes.

The duck says:

- Okay. - and he leaves.

The third day the duck walks in again and asks:

- You got any grapes?

The man is very annoyed and says:

- No! For the last time, we do NOT have any grapes. If you come in here again and ask for grapes, I'm gonna nail your bill to the floor!

The duck replies:

- Okay, - and leaves.

The fourth day the duck returns once again and asks:

- You got any nails?

The man at the counter says:

- No.

The duck says:

- Well then, you got any grapes?

What goes Clip clop clip clop clip clop BANG clip clop clip clop clip clop?
→ An Amish drive by shooting!

Why do brunettes like their dark hair color?
→ It doesn't show the dirt.

Who makes all the bras for brunettes?
→ Fisher-Price

Why didn't Indians scalp brunettes?
→ The hair from a buffalo's butt was more manageable.

Why are most brunettes flat-chested?
→ It makes it easier for them to read their T-shirts.

Why are brunettes so proud of their hair?
→ It matches their mustache.

Why is the color brunette considered evil?
→ When's the last time ya saw a blonde witch?

How can you tell a brunette is lonely?
→ Check her for a pulse.

What is the most frustrated animal in the world?
→ A brunette rabbit.

Why do brunettes wear training bras?
→ It's cheaper than changing their Band-Aids every day.

Why did they quit selling brunette Barbie dolls?
→ Parents felt the dandruff might be contagious.

How do brunettes get the tangles out their hair?
→ With a rake.

Why don't brunettes get breast implants?
→ They've already spent their money on thigh & butt implants.

Why did God create brunettes?
→ So ugly men wouldn't feel left out.

What do brunettes miss most about a great party?
→ The invitation.

Where do brunettes get the hair for a transplant?
→ From their underarms.

How do you describe a brunette whose phone rings on Saturday night?
→ Startled.

What do you call a good-looking man with a brunette?
→ A hostage.

How did Revlon come up with it's brunette hair color?
→ By studying what oil spills did to seaweed.

What's the difference between a brunette and the trash?
→ At least the trash gets taken out once a week.

What kind of costumes do brunette girls wear on Halloween?
→ They just stand on their heads and go as dirty mops.

Why do brunettes have to pay an extra $2,000 for a breast job?
→ Because the plastic surgeon has to start from scratch.

What did the frustrated brunette say to her uninterested lover?
→ 'What part of yes don't you understand?'

A preacher was giving a sermon to a full church when all of a sudden the devil appeared. He was menacing and threatening and the entire congregation started to flee the church except for one old man.

When the church was empty the devil went up to the man and asked:

- aren't you afraid of me, I'm evil incarnate, the most horrific being in the universe and will most likely torture you!

The man replied:

- You don't scare me, I've been married to your sister for 35 years.

A blonde, a redhead and a brunette all jump off a cliff. Which one hit the bottom first?
→ Not the blonde, she needed directions!

What do you call a dead blonde in a closet?
→ The 1988 Hide-and-Go-Seek World Champion.