Worst jokes

Chelsea Clinton was home for Christmas break. She was having lunch with her dear mother, Hillary, just talking about typical girl stuff. Hillary says to Chelsea:

- My, my what a fine young lady you have turned out to be. Being a sophomore at Stanford and all, I'm so proud!

Hillary proceeds to give Chelsea a hug then speaks softly and asks her a question:

- Say, I was just wondering since you're all grown up now. Have you, um, had sex yet?.

Chelsea ponders and contemplates then responds:

- Um, not according to dad.!

Sally was a girl with no horseback riding experience, yet one day she discided to take her chances. As she climbed on the big Palimino, it took off at a gallop. Sally was sliding off. She tried to grab the mane but she couldn't seem to get a grip. So in a great rush she threw herself from the thundering horse, but her foot got caught in the stirup. She was at the mercy of the pounding hooves, near unconsciousness, when......

The Wall Mart manager came out to turn the ride off.

Why did the Packers tear up the end zone after a Vikings Game?
→ There was too much "Moss" in it!

A guy is walking past a high, solid wooden fence at the insane asylum and he hears all the residents inside chanting:

- Thirteen! Thirteen! Thirteen!

He continues walking along the long fence, but, being a curious person, he can't help but wonder why they are chanting "Thirteen!" over and over. Could it be that they are chugging beer? Are they perhaps taking turns beating one of the inmates? Maybe they are counting the number of patients that have leapt off of the roof thus far.

His curiosity peaks and he frantically searches for a hole in the fence so that he may see what is going on. Finally, he spots one a few feet ahead. The hole is low in the fence and he has to kneel down to peer inside.

He moves into position and peeks into the hole. As he looks in, someone inside pokes him in the eye! Then everyone inside the asylum starts chanting:

- Fourteen! Fourteen! Fourteen!

The vice-president of a local company had quite a problem. He was told by his boss to lay off one of his employees, either Mary or Jack.

His choice was a tough one because Mary had been a devoted employee for 10 years and Jack was a fine worker who had a family to support. At night, the VP tossed and turned in his sleep trying to decide which of his employees he would lay off.

Finally he decided, the first one to come to work tomorrow would be the one. Morning finally comes and the VP waits at the office for one of the two employees to arrive.

At 8:55 Mary walks into the office.

- I've got a difficult decision - the VP says:

- I either have to Lay You or Jack off.

- Oh? jack-off, - Mary says:

- I've got a headache.

Why does the wind blow from the north in Indiana?
→ Kentucky sucks.

Once there were 3 Chinese mothers in a church.

They always liked to compete with their sons.

- First mother: My son is a priest. Whenever people see him they say, "Oh my priest!"

- Second mother: Oh yeah, my son is a bishop. Whenever they see him they say, "Oh my bishop!"

- Third mother: (after thinking a bit) Well my son is a fat, lazy pig and whenever people see my son they say, "Oh my God!"

Ring Ring...

- Hello, who is it?

- Is your phone number 13498732?

- No.

- So, why did you pick up the phone?

One day a guy went to a grocery store and the bagger boy asked him:

- Paper or Plastic

and the man said:

- Uh...paper I guess.

Then the bagger boy said your total is $56.35. The man took out his wallet and said:

- Real or Counterfeit.

How many Kentucky basketball fans does it take to roof a house?
→ Three, if you slice them really thin.