Worst jokes

What did one lesbian frog say to the other lesbian frog?
→ MMmmmm, tastes like chicken!

Why do seagulls live by the sea?
→ Because if they lived by the bay, they would be called baygulls! (baygull-bagel. ha ha ha.)

OK, so a man walks into a bar with a large box, the bar tender goes up to him and asks:

- whats in the box

The man says:

- I'll show ya' if you get me a beer.

So of course the bar tender gets the man a beer, the man drinks it, and he pulls out a little foot tall man and he pulls out a little piano. The little man starts playing the piano!

Next the bar tender asks:

- hey! thats prety cool, where did ya' get that?

The man says:

- I'll tell ya' if you get me another beer.

So the bar tender gets the man another beer, the man drinks it, and he says:

- I got it from a geenie and a lamp

The bar tender says:

- If ya' let me barrow that geenie and that lamp I'll give ya' another beer.

The man says:

- Oh, Okay!

The bar tender gets the man another beer, the man drinks it, and the man gives the bar tender the lamp.

The bar tender rubs the lamp and the geenie pops out!

The geenie says:

- Master, I grant you one wish, what is it?

The bar tender says:

- I wish for a million bucks!!!

And all of a sudden a million ducks start flying into the room:

- What the heck is this!!! I wished for a million bucks not a million ducks!!!

And the man says:

- Well did you think I wished for a 12 inched pianist!

Be nice to your kids... they will pick out your nursing home someday!

So these three people are hiking in a forest, and all of a sudden these headhunters catch them and bring the hikers to the head headhunter.

The head headhunter says:

- If you want to live you must complete some tasks. First you must go into the forest, pick some fruits, and bring them back

So the hikers did that and came back.

The head head hunter said:

- Now you must take the fruits you picked and stick them up your ass.

So the first hiker has apples... Ok, apples it shouldn't be too hard. 1 up okay... 2 up the hiker starts screaming, so the headhunters chop off his head. The second hiker has grapes. Ok, grapes this should be easy! 1 up okay... 2 up fine... 3... 4 the hiker starts laughing like crazy! The headhunters chop off his head.

So the two hikers who got their heads chopped off are up in Heaven and the hiker who had the apples asks the hiker who had the grapes:

- What happened... you had grapes, I mean you got killed c'mon what happened?

The guy who had grapes says:

- Well the other hiker........ he........ he......... he had watermellons!

What did the baby chick say to his mummy when she laid an Orange?
→ "Look what Marma-Lade!!"

How many bouncers does it take to throw someone down the stairs?
→ None! He fell.

- She stops reading Glamour and starts reading Guns and Ammo.

- She considers chocolate a major FDA food group.

- She puts on one of those pads with "wings," then flies off the roof laughing hysterically while riding a broom.

- She's developed a new talent for spinning her head around in 360 degree circles.

- She retains more water than Lake Superior.

- She denies she's in a bad mood as she pops a clip into her semiautomatic and "chambers one."

- She buys you a new T-shirt - with a bulls-eye on the front.

- You ask her to please pass the salt at the dinner table and she says:

- All I ever do is give, give, give! AM I SUPPOSED TO DO EVERYTHING?

- She enrolls in the Lizzie Borden School of Charm.

- She orders 3 Big Macs, 4 large fries, a bucket of Chicken McNuggets, and then mauls the manager because they're out of Diet Coke.

If a Blonde and a Brunette jump off a cliff at the same time, which one gets to the ground first?
→ The brunette... the blonde has to stop and ask for directions!

A motorist pulls up to the gas pumps and says:

- fill it up, please

The Attendant notices that the front and back seats of the car are occupied by penguins.

- Hey Buddy - says the attendant to the driver:

- These birds can't be happy like this...they're wild animals, you should take them to a zoo or something..

The motorist agrees to do so.

The next day the guy drives into the filling station and once more the attendant sees the penquins installed in the front and back seats, and they are all wearing sunglasses and holding towels...

- What's this? - he says to the driver:

- I thought you agreed to take these birds to the zoo?

The driver says:

- I did...and they had such a great time that today I'm taking them to the beach.