Random joke from this category
- Dentist: Would you help me out? I'd like you to give a few of your loudest screams.
- Patient: Why, Doc? It isn't all that bad this time.
- Dentist: Well, there are about 20 people in the waiting room right now, and I don't want to miss the five o'clock Braves game on Channel 4.
It has been determined that having sex before participating in athletic activity, such as a marathon race, does not impair the athlete's performance. In fact, men have known and displayed this for centuries. After sex, they glance at their watches and say, "Oops, gotta run!"
What happened to the cheerleader when she did the splits?
→ 20 class rings fell out.
A lady goes in to take a tennis lesson, and the instructor notices she is using the wrong grip. After several failed attempts to correct her, he finally says "OK,, just grip it like you do your husband's member".
After that, she immediately rips a couple of top spin winners down the line. The instructor says, "Wow that's great. Now just try taking the racquet out of your mouth."
How come Mike Tyson's eyes always water during sex?
→ Mace...
Why does Mary Lou Retton smile so much?
→ Because she found out what the big boys eat.
Horses in the race are:
At the Post:
They're off! Conscience is left behind at the post.
Jockey Shorts and Silk Panties are off in a hurry.
Heavy Bosum is being pressured.
Passionate lady is caught between Thighs and Big Johnson in a very tight spot.
At the Halfway Mark it's Bare Belly on top.
Thighs opens up and Big Johnson is pressed in.
Heavy Bosum is being pushed hard against Clean Sheets.
Passionate Lady and Thighs are working hard on Bare Belly.
Bare Belly is under terrific pressure from Big Johnson.
At The Stretch Merry Cherry cracks under the strain.
Big Johnson is making a final drive.
Passionate Lady is coming.
At The Finish It's Big Johnson giving everything he's got and Passionate Lady takes everything Big Johnson has to offer.
It looks like a dead heat but Big Johnson squirts through and wins by a head.
Heavy Bosum weakens and Thighs pulls-up.
Clean Sheets never had a chance.
This bloke was ordered from the pool for pissing in the water.
"That's ridiculous!" he shouted at the pool manager. "Everybody does it, you know."
"That may be so," came the reply, "but usually not from the diving board."
While out one morning in the park, a jogger found a brand new tennis ball. Seeing no one around that it might belong to, he slipped it into the pocket of his shorts.
Later, on his way home, he stopped at the pedestrian crossing, waiting for the lights to change.
A girl standing next to him eyed the large bulge in his shorts.
"What's that?" she asked, her eyes gleaming with lust.
"Tennis ball," came the breathless reply.
"Oh," said the girl sympathetically, "that must be painful. I had tennis elbow once."
A group of third, fourth and fifth graders accompanied by two female teachers went on a field trip to the local race track to learn about thoroughbred horses and the supporting industry. During the tour some of the children wanted to go to the toilet so it was decided that the girls would go with one teacher and the boys would go with the other.
As the teacher assigned to the boys waited outside the men's toilet, one of the boys came out and told her he couldn't reach the urinal. Having no choice, she went inside and began hoisting the little boys up by their armpits, one by one. As she lifted one, she couldn't help but notice that he was unusually well endowed for an elementary school child.
"I guess you must be in the fifth," she said.
"No ma'am" he replied, "I'm in the seventh, riding Silver Arrow. Thanks for the lift anyhow."
