Sex Jokes — worst jokes

Why is sex like money in the bank?
→ Because when you withdraw, you lose interest.

An old sailor goes to a brothel, where he chooses his girl and begins.

- How am I doing? He asks.

- Three knots, she replies.

- Three knots? What's that mean?

- You're not hard, you're not in, and you're not getting your money back.

How do you know you're leading a sad life?
→ When a nymphomaniac tells you, "Let's just be friends."

A guy approaches a prostitute on the street and asks her, "how much?" she replies, "$100 if I lay down and $75 if I stand up." He asks what the difference is, and she tells him, "it's my hairdresser's fee!"

An aging hooker volunteered to give the novice a few tips on the art of fellatio. Satisfied that she had perfected the basics, the old pro asked the beginner if she had any questions.

- Well yeah. I was wondering how long dicks should be sucked.

- The same as the short ones, honey.

Did you know there are serial number on condoms.........

No?.

I guess you didn't roll them down far enough.

Did you hear about the call girl who accidentally made two appointments at the same time?
→ She managed to squeeze them both in.

Aspirin makes a great contraceptive. Just hold it between your knees.

Two friends met after a long time, and chatted about what's been going on since they last met. One of them had a new girlfriend and the other one asked about her cooking, her relation to his folks etc. etc. and finally asked "How is she in bed?" First guy replies "She's fantastic, she sucks like a real man!"

What is a man's idea of protected sex?
→ A padded headboard.