Relationships — worst jokes

- Boy: Those clothes are very becoming on you!

- Girl: Why thank you!

- Boy: Of course, if I was on you...

I would becoming too!

- Woman: Slow down, foreplay is an art.

- Man: Well, if you don't get your canvas arranged soon, I'm going to spill my paint!

- Boyfriend: Do you smoke after sex?

- Girlfriend: Dunno, I've never looked

What's the difference between Love, True Love and showing off?
→ Spit, swallow and gargle.

A young man took a girl out to dinner and a show. They got along very well, and when he asked her if she would like to come up to his apartment for a drink she agreed. After they were at the apartment a while, he asked if he could give her an old fashioned kiss.

Her reply was, "At a time like this you want me to change positions?"

"Kiss me," said the young lady urgently. "Please kiss me."

But the young man turned his head away, saying, "Of course not. How can I? I'm your own brother-in-law. Hell, we shouldn't even be lying here making love."

The guy considered himself lucky to have been able to attract and bed such a luscious looking dish. He was even considering trying to establish a relationship instead of just a one night stand. But he couldn't help but wonder why she wasn't already in one.

"I can't help feeling that we've met before," he said.

"Yeah, I know," sighed the girl, stretching. "It happens to me a lot. I think they call this 'deja screw'."

I admitted to my friend that I hadn't had sex for a while.

My friend reassured me that I won't forget it, cuz sex is like riding a bicycle.

I know it's been a while, but I don't ever remember pedaling...

A farmer had 3 beautiful daughters who were getting ready to go out on dates. The first beau came to the door and said, "I'm Eddie, I'm here to pick up Betty. We're going for spaghetti, is she ready?"

No.

The second beau came to the door and said, "I'm Joe, I'm here to pick up Flo to take her to the show. Is she ready to go?"

No.

The third beau came to the door and said to the farmer, "Hello, my name is Chuck."

The farmer shot Chuck.

Two teens had been lovers for a few weeks, but the boy was always after the girl to quit smoking. One afternoon, she lit up after some love making, and he said, "You really ought to quit."

She, getting tired of his nagging, said, "I really enjoy a good cigarette after sex."

He replied, "But they stunt your growth." She asked if he ever smoked, and he replied that he had never.

Smiling and lifting her gaze to his groin, she said, "So, what's your excuse then?"