Random joke from this category
IDEAL DATE
Age Line
When I was in jr. high, all I wanted was a girl with big breasts...
In high school, I dated a girl with big breasts, but there was no passion.. So I decided I needed a passionate girl.. In college, I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional.. Everything was an emergency, she cried all the time. So I decided I needed a girl with some stability.. I found a very stable girl, but she was boring. She never got excited about anything. So I decided I needed a girl with some excitement.. I found an exciting girl, but I couldn't keep up with her. She rushed from one thing to another, never settling on anything. She was directionless. So I decided to find a girl with some ambition.. After college, I found an ambitious girl and married her. She was so ambitious, she divorced me and took everything I owned.. Now all I want is a girl with big breasts..
"Would you sleep with me for ten thousand dollars?" asked John.
"Yes, I will." Paula replied.
"Would you do it for one thousand?" he asked.
"Well maybe, or maybe I'd do something else for you." she answered with a wink.
"How about a blowjob for $20?" responded John.
"Hey! What kind of women do you think I am?" Paula snapped, indignantly.
"That's already been established, Paula. Now we're just haggling over the price!"
If you act immature enough and hang around long enough, an older woman will just mistake you for another one of her children and let you live at her house rent-free. Older women can afford to support you.
Judy arrived home from her date, tossed her coat over a chair, her handbag over the banister, she threw her clothes around the bedroom without care. The next morning at breakfast, her mother asked her if she had a good time?
"Oh", sighed Judy, "I had a wonderful time."
"I thought as much", her mother remarked, "Your underpants are still stuck to the ceiling!"
What's the quickest way to a woman's heart?
→ Straight through the rib cage.
A recently divorced woman is walking along the beach contemplating how badly screwed she got over the divorce settlement, when she spies a magic lamp washing up onshore.
She rubs the lamp, and out pops a magical genie!!
The genie notices her anger and lets her vent her troubles to him. As a consolation, the genie informs that he will give her three wishes. But, he cautions her that because he does not believe in divorce, he will give her ex-husband ten times the amount of whatever she wishes.
The woman is steaming mad, thinking that this is hardly fair, but she makes her first wish. The first wish was for a billion dollars. The genie grants her wish and she finds herself sitting in pile of one billion one-dollar bills. The genie then reminds her that her husband is now the recipient of 10 billion dollars.
The woman can barely contain her anger when she makes her second wish. The second wish was for a beautiful mansion on the shore of her own private beach. In an instant it was granted, but the genie then reminds gain that her ex-husband now owns ten of what she wished for, and points own the beach to a small development of ten such mansions.
Upon hearing this, the woman takes her time to contemplate her last wish.
Just as the genie was about to give up on her, the woman informs the genie that she wants to make the last wish. But, before she can do this, the genie again warns her that her ex-husband will get ten times what she wishes for.
No problem, said the woman as she grinned in ecstasy. For my last wish...
"Id like to give birth to twins".
