Relationships — most commented jokes

How to Satisfy a Woman Every Time
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How to Satisfy a Man Every Time
Show up naked.

A married woman is having an affair. Whenever her lover comes over, she puts her nine year old son in the closet.

One day the woman hears a car in the driveway and puts her lover in the closet, as well.

Inside the closet, the little boy says, "It's dark in here, isn't it?"

"Yes it is," the man replies.

"You wanna buy a baseball?" the little boy asks.

"No thanks," the man replies.

"I think you do want to buy a baseball," the little extortionist continues.

"OK. How much?" the man replies after considering the position he was in.

"Twenty-five dollars," the little boy replies.

"TWENTY-FIVE DOLLARS?!" the man repeats. "That's awful expensive", but because of the position he was in, agreed to the price.

The following week, the lover is visiting the woman again when she hears a car in the driveway and, again, places her lover in the closet with her little boy.

"It's dark in here, isn't it?" the boy starts off.

"Yes it is," replies the man.

"Wanna buy a baseball glove?" the little boy asks.

"OK. How much?" the hiding lover responds, acknowledging his dis-advantage.

"Fifty dollars," the boy replies and the transaction is completed.

The next weekend, the little boy's father says, "Hey, son. Go get your ball and glove and we'll play some catch."

"I can't. I sold them," replies the little boy.

"How much did you get for them?" asks the father, expecting to hear the profit in terms of lizards and candy.

"Seventy-five dollars," the little boy says.

"SEVENTY-FIVE DOLLARS?! That's thievery! I'm taking you to the church right now. You must confess your sin and ask for forgiveness," the father explains as he hauls the child away.

At the church, the little boy goes into the confessional, draws the curtain, sits down, and says "It's dark in here, isn't it?"

"Don't you start that crap in here," the priest says.

- Boy: Do you have fever?

- Girl: No, why?

- Boy: Cause you look hot!!!!!

Smart Man + Smart Woman = Romance
Smart Man + Dumb Woman = Pregnancy
Dumb Man + Smart Woman = Affair
Dumb Man + Dumb Woman = Marriage

A young man called his mother and announced excitedly that he had just met the woman of his dreams.
"Now what should I do?"
His mother has an idea.
"Why don't you send her flowers, and on the card invite her to your apartment for a home cooked meal?"
He thought this was a great strategy, and a week later the woman came to dinner.
His mother called the next day to see how things had gone.
"I was humiliated," he groaned. "She insisted on washing the dishes."
"What's wrong with that?" asked his mother.
"We hadn't started eating yet."

One woman to another at a singles bar:
"I'm not as optimistic about relationships as I used to be.
These days, when I meet a man, I ask myself, Is this the guy I want my children to spend every other weekend with?"

How do you know when you are in bed with a witch?
→ She has a big "W" embroidered on her pyjamas!

- What's your new boyfriend like?

- He's mean, nasty, ugly, smelly and totally evil - but he has some bad points too!

What did the hurricane say to the other hurricane?
→ I have my eye on you.

How does a male lightning bolt feel when he notices an attractive female lightning bolt?
→ Thunderstruck