Redneck Jokes — worst jokes

A hillbilly walked into an attorney's office wanting to file for divorce.

- May I help you?

- Yea, I want to get one of those dayvorces.

- Well do you have any grounds?

- Yea, I got about a hundred acres.

- No, you don't understand, do you have a case?

- No, I don't have a Case, but I have a John Deere.

- I mean, do you have a grudge?

- Yea, I got a grudge. That's where I park my John Deere.

- No sir, I mean do you have a suit?

- Yes sir, I got a suit, I wear it to church on Sundays.

- Well sir, does your wife beat you up or anything?

- No sir, we both get up about 4:30 in the morning.

- Well, is she a nagger or anything?!?!?!?

- No she's a little white gal, but our last child was a nagger. That's why I want this dayvorce.

Ruby Alice walked up to the desk of a Bowling Green motel and signed the register with the letter "O."

"Why'd you put that circle down?" asked the clerk.

"Cause Ah can't write," replied the girl.

"Why don't you sign with an 'X'?" asked the man.

"Ah used to," she answered. "But when Ah got me a divorce, Ah took back mah maiden name!"

What do a hurricane, a tornado, and a redneck divorce all have in common?
→ Someone's going to lose their trailer...

Cloyd went to a Charleston dentist complaining his gums had shriveled up and his teeth were falling out.

After examining him, the dentist said, "Your mouth is really bad. Do you brush?"

"Ah sure do!" replied Cloyd. "Everee single day!"

"What do you brush with?" asked the dentist,

"Preparation H," said the redneck.

Young Vestal was walking in his Florida backyard when an alligator bit him.

"Mama!" yelled the boy. "A gator jus' bit off mah foot!"

"Which one?" called his mother from inside the cabin.

"How the hell should Ah know?!" he shrieked. "They all look alike to me!"

Who has the right of way when four cars approach a four-way stop at the same time?
→ The pick up truck with the gun rack and the bumper sticker saying, "Guns don't kill people. I do."

A St. Louis mother telephoned the capital building over in Jefferson City and asked to speak to the game warden. After being switched from office to office, a voice finally said, "Hello." "Are you the game warden?" she asked.

"Yes."

"Finally Ah've got the right person!" she said. "Could yaw'l gimme some help with my son's birthday party?"

An old mountain man in Arkansas was sick and bedridden. He had not been outdoors for a few weeks and had a sharp craving for a meal of wild squirrel. He summoned his half-idiot son into the room and instructed him to go squirrel hunting and bring him back a squirrel or two. He also told his son to be very careful not to shoot the squirrel in the head as he would need its brains later to "tan" the squirrel's pelt. (Tanning a skin using the animal's brains is a common practice in certain areas, it generally takes about one brain to tan one skin).

The idiot son spent most of the day searching the woods for tree squirrels, but was not having any luck. Finally, high up in a sweet-gum tree, he spotted a squirrel's head sticking out from a hole. He remembered his Pa's admonitions to save the brains. After deciding he may not have another chance, he shot it in the head, thus ruining the brains.

His sick Pa was upset, "I can't tan that skin without no brains!" he said, "Now what am I a gonna do?" Thinking quickly, he remembered that up on the river there were 3 fisheries biologists doing some field work.

"Well, we're only tanning one squirrel skin, walk up the river and shoot one of them dang fish biologists and I'll use his brains to tan the skin," he told the son. The son did as he was told and soon returned with the prize. As it turned out, the brain wasn't large enough and the boy was upset as he would have to make another trip to harvest the other two biologist's brains.

"Look on the bright side, boy", the old man told him, "Two more ought to be just enough. We'd have been in real trouble if they was BOTANISTS!"

There is a new Barbie doll on the market -
Trailer Trash Barbie ...complete with double wide trailer home

There is a new Barbie doll on the market -

Trailer Park Barbie ...for the parent who wants to show their child what grown-up life is really going to be like