Random joke from this category
A reporter cornered George W. Bush at a press conference: "Many say the only reason why you would be elected for President is due to the enormous power and influence of your father."
"That notion is ridiculous!" mocked George Jr. "It doesn't matter how powerful the man is. He can only vote once!"
MONDAY
8:00 Husseinfeld
8:30 Mad About Everything
9:00 Suddenly Sanctions
9:30 Allah McBeal
TUESDAY
8:00 Wheel of Fortune and Terror
8:30 The Price is Right if Saddam Says it's Right
9:00 Children are Forbidden to Say The Darndest Things
9:30 Iraq's Funniest Public Execution Bloopers
WEDNESDAY
8:00 Buffy the Yankee Imperialist Dog Slayer
8:30 Diagnosis: Heresy
9:00 Just Shoot Me
9:30 Veilwatch
THURSDAY
8:00 Mahatma Loves Chachi
8:30 M*U*S*T*A*S*H
9:00 Veronica's Closet Full of Long, Black, Shapeless Dresses
9:30 My Two Baghdads
FRIDAY
8:00 Judge Saddam
8:30 Captured Iranian Soldiers Say The Darndest Things
9:00 Achmed's Creek
9:30 No-witness News
President Bill Clinton called Chretien with an emergency: "Our largest condom factory has exploded!" the American President cried, "My people's favorite form of birth control! This is a true disaster!"
"Bill, da Canadian pipple would be 'appy to do anyt'ing wit'in der power to 'help you," replied the Prime Minister.
"I do need your help," said Clinton. "Could you possibly send 1,000,000 condoms ASAP to tide us over?"
"Certainment! I get right on it!" said Chretien.
"Oh, and one more small favor, please?" said Clinton.
"Oui?"
"Could the condoms be red, white & blue in color, at least 10" long and 4" in diameter?" said Clinton.
"No problem," replied the Prime Minister and, with that, Chretien hung up and called the President of Trojan Condoms.
"I need a favor, you got to make 1,000,000 condoms right away and send 'dem to Hamerica."
"Consider it done," said the President of Trojan.
"Great! Now listen, dey hab to be bleu, blanc et rouge in colour; at least 10" long and 4" in diameter."
"Easily done. Anything else?"
"Yah," said the Prime Minister, "an' print 'MADE IN CANADA, SIZE MEDIUM' on each one."
Did you hear about the local country club that was determined to be politically correct?
Instead of saying the golfers have handicaps, they say they're stroke-challenged!
Bill Clinton, Bill Gates, and Al Gore were in an airplane that crashed. Now they're in heaven, and God is sitting on the great golden throne.
God addresses Al first. "Al, what do you believe in?" Al replies, "Well, I believe that the internal combustion Engine is the root of all evil and that we need to save the world from CFCs and that if any more freon is used, the whole earth will become a greenhouse and we'll all die." God thinks for a second and says, "Okay, I can live with that. Come and sit at my left."
God then addresses Bill Clinton. "Bill, what do you believe in?" Bill Clinton replies, "Well, I believe in power to the people. I think people should be able to make their own choices about things, and that no one should ever be able to tell someone else what to do. I also believe in feeling people's pain, but not inhaling." God thinks for a second and says, "Okay, that sounds good. Come and sit at my right."
God then addresses Bill Gates. "Bill Gates, what do you believe in?" Bill Gates said, "I believe you're in my chair."
The IRS announced that obese Americans are entitled to certain tax breaks. Apparently, under the new rules, you're allowed to claim two or more chins as dependents.
Conan O'Brien
The IRS says they can't give back 80 million dollars in refunds because they don't have addresses for the taxpayers. Yeah, they can't find you when they owe YOU money.
Jay Leno
What is the difference between the government and the Mafia?
→ One of them is organized.
One Friday morning, a teacher came up with a novel way to motivate her class. She told them that she would read a quote and the first student to correctly identify who said it would receive the rest of the day off.
She started with "This was England's finest hour." Little Suzy instantly jumped up and said, "Winston Churchill."
"Congratulations," said the teacher, "you may go home early."
The teacher then said, "Ask not what your country can do for you, but.." Before she could finish the quote, another young lady belts out, "John F. Kennedy!"
"Very good," says the teacher, "you may go also."
Irritated that he has missed two golden opportunities, Little Johnny said, "I wish those girls would just shut up."
Upon overhearing this comment, the outraged teacher demanded to know who said it. Johnny instantly rose to his feet and said, "Bill Clinton. I'll see you Monday."
If government is going to put health warning labels on beer, wine and liquor, let's at least have a little truthfulness about the matter!
