Political Jokes — worst jokes

• Coins are not allowed to be placed in one's ears.
• All residents may be fined as a result of not owning a boat.
• Within the limits of any public park, it is unlawful to annoy any bird. (SEC. 10-1.2)

• Riding a merry-go-round on Sundays is considered a crime.
• Illegal for a man to give his sweetheart a box of candy weighing less than fifty pounds.
• You may not fish on a camel's back.
• Residents may not fish from a giraffe's back.
• A person may not be seen in public without a smile on their face.
• A law passed in 1912 provided that "The carrying of concealed weapons is forbidden, unless some are exhibited to public view."

• No person shall sell, exchange, offer to sell or exchange, display or possess living baby chicks, ducklings, or other fowl or rabbits which have been dyed or colored - nor dye or color any baby chicks, ducklings or other fowl or rabbits - nor sell, exchange, offer to sell or exchange or to give away baby chicks, ducklings or other fowl or rabbits, under two months of age in any quantity less than six, except that any rabbit weighing three pounds or more may be sold at an age of six weeks. Any person who violates this section shall be fined not less than $100 nor more than $500. -KRS 436.600 (Passed 1966 Ky. Acts ch. 215, sec. 5.)
• It's illegal to fish in the Ohio River in Kentucky without an Indiana Fishing License.
• Any person who displays, handles or uses any kind of reptile in connection with any religious service or gathering shall be fined not less than fifty dollars ($50) nor more than one hundred dollars ($100). -KRS 437.060 (Passed 1942, from Ky. Stat. sec. 1267a-1.)
• All bees entering Kentucky shall be accompanied by certificates of health, stating that the apiary from which the bees came was free from contagious or infectious disease. -KRS 252.130 (Passed in 1922 - Repealed in 1948)
• No person owning or controlling a billiard or pool table shall permit, for compensation or reward, any minor under eighteen (18) years of age to play any game on the table, unless such minor shall have first displayed an identification card containing his name, age, photograph, and the signature of his parents or guardian. The minor shall keep such identification card on his person, and it shall be subject to inspection at any time by any peace officer. The person owning or controlling such billiard or pool table shall keep and maintain a registration book in which each minor shall sign. The person owning or controlling such billiard or pool table shall supply a blank identification card to each parent or guardian who makes request for same. Any person who violates this section shall be fined not less than ten ($10) nor more than one hundred dollars ($100) for each offense. -KRS 436.320 (Passed 1893 - Amended in 1954, Ky. Acts ch. 232, sec. 1)
• It is illegal to fish with a bow and arrow in Kentucky.
• Any person who appears on any highway, or upon the street of any city that has no police protection, when clothed only in ordinary bathing garb, shall be fined no less than five dollars nor more than twenty-five dollars." - KRS 436.140 (Passed in 1922 - Repealed in 1974)
• By law, anyone who has been drinking is "sober" until he or she "cannot hold onto the ground."
• It is illegal to transport an ice cream cone in your pocket.
• A woman may not buy a hat without her husband's permission.

• It is illegal to fly over any body of water, unless one is carrying sufficient supplies of food and drink.
• It is illegal to wear pants that are "firm fitting" around the waist.
• Getting married on a dare is grounds for an annulment.

• Penalty for horse theft is death by hanging.
• It is considered an offense to shower naked.
• You are not allowed to break more than three dishes per day, or chip the edges of more than four cups and/or saucers.
• It is illegal to block any traveled wagon road.
• Women may be fined for falling asleep under a hair dryer, as can the salon owner.
• If an elephant is left tied to a parking meter, the parking fee has to be paid just as it would for a vehicle.
• It is illegal to sing in a public place while attired in a swimsuit.
• You may not fart in a public place after 6 P.M. on Thursdays.
• Men may not be seen publicly in any kind of strapless gown.
• It is illegal to skateboard without a license.
• A special law prohibits unmarried women from parachuting on Sunday or she shall risk arrest, fine, and/or jailing.
• Having sexual relations with a porcupine is illegal.
• It is illegal to molest a Key deer. If caught one will be fined or will have to go to jail.
• It is against the city ordinance to hang your clothes outside on a clothesline.
• It it illegal to park a pick-up truck in your driveway or in front of your house on the street. This law is limited to only those who do not own the house. (Repealed 2000)
• Sec. 10-56. While intoxicated, under influence of narcotics, prohibited. It shall be unlawful for any person to swim or bathe in that portion of the Atlantic Ocean within the corporate limits of the city when under the influence of intoxicating liquor or narcotic drugs to the extent that his or her normal faculties are impaired. (Code 1955, ? 28-64)
• Sec. 18-2. Weeds, trash, etc., as a public nuisance - removal by property owner or by city at owner's expense, notice and hearing, lien for expenses. (a) The existence of weeds, trash, undergrowth, brush, filth, garbage or other refuse on any lot, tract or parcel of land within the city which has caused the property to become, or which may reasonably cause the property to become infested, or inhabited by rodents, vermin or wild animals, or may furnish a breeding place for mosquitoes or threatens the public health, safety or welfare, or may reasonably cause disease or adversely affects and impairs the economic welfare of the adjacent property, is declared to constitute a public nuisance and is hereby prohibited.
• Sec. 22-44. Storage, depositing prohibited. It shall be unlawful for any person, either as owner, occupant, lessee, agent, tenant, or otherwise, to store or deposit, or cause or permit to be stored or deposited, any abandoned, junked or discarded motor vehicle or motor vehicles upon any public or private property within the city. (Code 1955, ? 20-11)
• The molestation of trash cans is banned.
• Ambling and strolling is a misdemeanor.
• Sec. 3-1. Bird sanctuary declared. (a) It is hereby declared that all territory embraced within the corporate limits of the municipality shall be a bird sanctuary. (b) It shall be unlawful for any person within the municipality to shoot, trap or in any manner kill, wound or maim any bird of any kind, or at any time to throw at any birds of any kind any missile with slingshots or any other weapon, or to disturb their eggs or their young or their nests. (Ord. No. 8-59, ?? 1, 2, 8-10-59)
• Jupiter Inlet Colony: Inlet Chickens are considered a 'protected species'.
• Sec. 8-3. Bell or other warning device. No person shall operate a bicycle unless it is equipped with a bell or device capable of giving a signal audible for a distance of at least 100 feet, but no bicycle shall be equipped with, nor shall any person use upon a bicycle, any siren or whistle. (Code 1967, ? 8-3 Code 1980, ? 8-3)
• It is illegal for men to be seen publicly in any kind of strapless gown.
• A women can be fined (only after death), for being electrocuted in a bath-tub because of using self-beautification utensils.
• It is illegal to roll a barrel on any street, fines go up according to the contents of the barrel.
• Citizens may not be caught downtown without at least 10 dollars on their person.
• In order to operate a burglar alarm, a permit must be obtained.
• Sec. 12-23. Registration required, application, transferability, false statements. (a) All persons must complete and submit to the village an emergency contact registration form for their alarm if they operate or cause to be operated an alarm system in the village. A separate registration is required for each alarm system. Upon receipt of a completed registration form, the police department shall issue a numbered alarm sticker to the applicant to facilitate retrieval of registration information. (Ord. No. 97-17, ? 1, 10-14-97)
• Stage nudity is banned, with the exception of "bona fide" theatrical performances.
• Violating this ordinance results in a $100 fine.
• You may not catch crabs.
• If you hit a pedestrian you are fined $78.00.
• It is illegal to eat cottage cheese on Sunday after 6:00 P.M.

• It is a violation of the law to sell or distribute drugs or narcotics without having first obtained the appropriate Iowa drug tax stamp.
• A man with a moustache may never kiss a woman in public.
• Kisses may last for no more than five minutes.
• One-armed piano players must perform for free.
• Any hotel in the city limits must have a water bucket and a hitching post in front of the building.
• The "Ice Cream Man" and his truck are banned.
• The fire department is required to practice fire fighting for fifteen minutes before attending a fire.
• Horses are forbidden to eat fire hydrants.
• Within the city limits, a man may not wink at any woman he does not know.

The Ten Commandments display was recently removed from the Alabama Supreme Court building. There was a good reason for the move. You can't post Thou Shalt Not Steal, Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery, and Thou Shall Not Lie in a building full of lawyers and politicians without creating a hostile work environment.

A reporter goes to Israel to cover the fighting. She is looking for something emotional and positive and of human interest. Something like that guy in Sarajevo who risked his life to play the cello everyday in the town square. In Jerusalem, she heard about an old Jew who had been going to the Wailing Wall to pray, twice a day, every day, for a long, long time. So she went to check it out. She goes to the Wailing Wall and there he is! She watches him pray and after about 45 minutes, when he turns to leave, she approaches him for an interview.

"Rebecca Smith, CNN News. Sir, how long have you been coming to the Wailing Wall and praying?"
"For about 50 years."
"What do you pray for?"
"For peace between the Jews and the Arabs. For all the hatred to stop. For all of our children to grow up in safety and friendship."
"How do you feel after doing this for 50 years?"
"Like I'm talking to a fucking wall."

A British doctor says, "Medicine in my country is so advanced that we can take a kidney out of one man, put it in another man, and have him looking for work in six weeks."

A German doctor says, "That's nothing. We can take a lung out of one person, put it in another man, and have him looking for work in four weeks."

A Russian doctor says, "In my country, medicine is so advanced we take half a heart out of one person, put it in another man, and have both of them looking for work in two weeks."

The American doctor, not to be outdone, says, "You guys are way behind us. We just took a man with no brain out of Texas, put him in the White House, and now half the country is looking for work.

Can you imagine working for a company that has a little more than 500 employees and has the following statistics:

• 29 have been accused of spousal abuse
• 7 have been arrested for fraud
• 19 have been accused of writing bad checks
• 117 have directly or indirectly bankrupted at least 2 businesses
• 3 have done time for assault
• 71 cannot get a credit card due to bad credit
• 14 have been arrested on drug-related charges
• 8 have been arrested for shoplifting
• 21 are currently defendants in lawsuits
• 84 have been arrested for drunk driving in the last year

Can you guess which organization this is?

It's the 535 members of the United States Congress.

The same group that cranks out hundreds of new laws each year designed to keep the rest of us in line.