Random joke from this category
A remedy for the common cold suggested by Dr. Richard Gordon, from the "Atlantic Monthly":
At the first sign of a cold, go to bed with a bottle of whiskey and a hat. Place the hat on the left-hand bedpost. Take a drink of whiskey and move the hat to the right-hand bedpost. Take another drink and shift the hat back again. Continue this until you drink the whiskey but fail to move the hat.
By then, the cold is probably cured.
These three friends, a Dentist, a Carpenter, and an Electrician were sitting around trying to decide what prank to pull on a mutual friend. Their friend was getting married soon, and his good buddies just felt compelled to play some prank, as all good buddies would.
After sitting around brainstorming for a while, the Electrician had a thought, "I know! I know! I can wire the bed so that when our friend and his new bride sit on it and touch one another, they'll get a good shock."
The Carpenter perked up and added, "and I can rig the bed so that when they get shocked and jump apart, the bed will collapse."
The Dentist just sat in silence, because he couldn't think of a thing to do.
After the fortunate couple's wedding and honeymoon, the groom called his friends together for a chat. He said to them, "Well, when we sat on the bed and got a shock, it wasn't that bad. And then when we jumped apart and the bed fell in, we had a good laugh. But who's bright idea was it to put the Novacaine in the Vaseline?!?!?!?!?"
Two friends are shopping in a drugstore when one of them tells the other, "My husband says this brand here is the most effective ointment for hemorrhoids on the market today."
"How does he know this for sure though?" asked the other woman.
"Because besides being my husband who thinks he's always right, he's also an asshole himself."
I just had the doctor remove an ugly growth from my back. It was my mother-in-law.
While critiquing a survey instrument intended for mothers of infants less than one year old, I came across the following question:
Have you ever breast fed your baby?
a) Yes...
b) No...
c) Don't know
"Don't know"? Huh?
My boyfriend said that for his physical, the doctor needed a urine specimen, a stool sample, and a semen specimen.
I told him, "Just give them your underwear."
A man leaned toward an attractive woman at a bar and told her, "Haven't I seen you somewhere before?"
"Yes," she replied in a loud voice, "I'm the receptionist at the V.D. clinic."
Did you hear that they are going to stop circumcising men?
→ They discovered they were throwing away the best part.
Why are some men uncircumcised?
→ The doctors were afraid of causing brain damage to the infant.
What do you call a man with 99% of his brain missing?
→ Castrated.
