Random joke from this category
One day, a girl walked up to her mother and looked at her mother's hair and sadly said:
- Why is some of your hair white mommy?
The mother replied:
- Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turn white.
The girl thought about this revelation a while, and then said:
- Momma, how come all of grandma's hairs are white?
A kid, just getting home from school runs up to his dad:
- Daddy, daddy! I'm the only one in my class that can count to ten. Why do you rec'un so?
- Why that's because your from Kentucky son. - The dad responses.
The next day the kid gets home from school:
- Daddy, daddy! I'm the only one in my class that knows all the letters in the alphabet. Why do you rec'un so?
- That's because you're from Kentucky son. - The dad tells him again.
The next day the kid busts through the door:
- Daddy. daddy! I'm the only one in school who has a large penis, is that because I'm from Kentucky?
The dad looks at him and says:
- No that's because you're 22.
There was this 8 year old kid who lived with his 82 year old grandma. He had been living with her for some time, and he thought, that with all the work she does, he could at least make her a cup of coffee in the morning. So he woke up early one day, and made a cup of coffee and brought it to his grandma. She took one drink of it and died instantly.
He called 911, and the paramedics rushed over there. While examining the grandma, one of the paramedics pulls out a little plastic green soldier from her throat. After the paramedic learns that the kid made her coffee and put that soldier in there, of course, the first question is "why".
The kid answered:
- Grandma always said, 'The best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup'!
- Knock Knock...
- Who's There?
- Boo...
- Boo Who?
- Stop crying it's just a joke!
Let a pig and a boy have everything they want, and you'll get a good pig and a bad boy.
Little Johnny has a question, so he goes around the house to find his father. He opens his dad's bedroom door and finds his mom and dad humping away on the bed!
- Dad! - says Johnny
- What are you doing!
Johhny's father stops humping for a second and says:
- Well, Johnny, I'm playing poker...and your mother's the wild card.
- Oh - says Johnny and he leaves the room.
Still in need of an answer to his question, Little Johnny set out to look for his big brother, Ernie. He opens his brother's bedroom door and finds Ernie and his sister Thelma humping away!
- Ernie! - cried Johnny
- What are you doing!.
Ernie stops humping for a second and says:
- Well... I'm playing poker, Johnny... and Thelma is the wildcard.
- Oh - says Johnny and he leaves the room.
Later, Johnny's dad approached Johnny's room to call him to dinner. He opens Johnny's bedroom door and finds Johnny wacking off like it was going out of style!
- Johnny! - his father said
- I see you're playing poker, but where's your wildcard?
Johnny replies:
- With a hand like this, who needs a wildcard!
What did Snow White say when the photographer said her photos were done?
→ I knew some day my prints would come!
Little Johnny had a cussing problem and his father was getting tired of it. He decided to ask his shrink what to do.
The shrink said that, since Christmas was coming up that he should ask Johnny what he wanted Santa to bring him. If he cussed, he should leave a pile of dog shit in place of the gift.
Two days before Christmas, Johnny's dad asked Johnny what he wanted. Johnny said:
- I want a goddamned teddy-bear laying right fuckin here beside me when I wake-up Christmas morning. Then, when I go downstairs I want to see a motherfuckin' train going around the goddamned tree, and when I go outside I want to see a red-assed fuckin' bike leaning up against the damn garage!
Christmas morning, Little Johnny woke up and rolled over into a big pile of dog shit. Confused, he walked downstairs and saw a bunch of dog shit around the Christmas tree. Scratching his head, he walked outside and saw a huge pile of dog shit by the garage. When he walked back inside with a curious look on his face.
His dad smiled and asked:
- So Johnny, what did Santa bring you this year?
Johnny replied:
- I think I got a fuckin' dog but I can't find the son of a bitch.
A married woman is having an affair. Whenever her lover comes over, she puts her nine-year-old son in the closet. One day, the woman hears a car in the driveway and puts her lover in the closet as well.
Inside the closet, the little boy says:
- It's dark in here, isn't it?
- Yes it is - the man replies.
- You wanna buy a baseball? - the little boy asks.
- No thanks - the man replies.
- I think you do want to buy a baseball - the little extortionist continues.
- Okay. How much? - the man replies, after considering the position he is in.
- Twenty-five dollars - the little boy replies.
- Twenty-five dollars! - the man repeats incredulously, but complies to protect his hidden position.
The following week, the lover is visiting the woman again, when she hears a car in the driveway and again places her lover in the closet with her little boy.
- It's dark in here, isn't it? - the boy starts off.
- Yes it is - replies the man.
- Wanna buy a baseball glove? - the little boy asks.
- Okay. How much this time! - the hiding lover responds, acknowledging his disadvantage.
- Fifty dollars - the boy replies and the transaction is completed.
The next weekend, the little boy's father says:
- Hey, son. Go get your ball and glove and we'll play some catch.
- I can't. I sold them - replies the little boy.
- How much did you get for them? - asks the father, expecting to hear the profit in terms of lizards and candy.
- Seventy-five dollars - the little boy says.
- Seventy-five dollars! That's thievery! I'm taking you to the church right now. You must confess your sin and ask for forgiveness. - the father explains, as he hauls the child away.
At the church, the little boy goes into the confessional, draws the curtain, sits down, and says:
- It's dark in here, isn't it?
The priest says:
- Don't you start that crap in here now!
A little boy and his grandfather are raking leaves when the little boy sees an earthworm trying to get back into its hole.
He says:
- Grandpa, I bet I can put that worm back in that hole.
The grandfather smiles:
- I'll bet you five dollars you can't. It's too wiggly and limp to put back in that little hole.
The little boy runs into the house and comes back out with a can of hair spray. He sprays the worm until it is straight and stiff as a board. Then he stuffs the worm back into the hole.
The grandfather, impressed with his grandson's ingenuity, hands him five dollars ... then grabs the hair spray and runs into the house.
Thirty minutes later, the grandfather comes back out and hands the little boy another five dollars.
The little boy says:
- Grandpa, you already gave me five dollars?
The grandfather replies:
- Yes, I know. But that's from your grandma!
