Food Jokes — worst jokes

Sign at restaurant reads:
Eat here diet home

A man and his girlfriend were out to dinner one night. The waiter tells them the night's special is chicken almondine and fresh fish.
"The chicken sounds good; I'll have that," the woman says.
The waiter nods. "And the vegetable?" he asks.
"Oh, he'll have the fish," she replies.

What did one plate say to the other plate?
→ Lunch is on me!

- Waiter, waiter, does the pianist play requests?

- Yes, sir.

- Then ask him to play tiddlywinks until I've finished my meal.

There was an awful fight at the seafood restaurant.
Four fish got battered!

The headwaiter of an elegant restaurant recoiled in disgust as a man in boots, torn jeans and a leather jacket approached him. "Hey, man," he said, "where's the toilet?"
"Go down the hall and turn left," replied the headwaiter. "When you see the sign marked 'Gentlemen; pay no attention to it and go right on in."

Young woman sat down in small restaurant, a waitress came over to take her order.
"I'll have a hamburger please."
"Burger!" she yelled over her shoulder. Then woman added.
"Make that well done."
Waitres turned away again.
"Torture it!" she yelled.

- Is your food spicy Sir?

- No, smoke always comes out of my ears!

- What's the matter with your dinner?

- Can you describe it for me please in case I need to tell my doctor later what I've eaten!

A out-of-towner in New York at the height of the tourist season decided to revisit an uptown restaurant he'd enjoyed on a previous trip to the city. Finally catching the eye of an overworked waiter, he said, "You know, it's been over five years since I first came in here."

"You'll have to wait your turn, sir," replied the harried and now irritated waiter, "I can only serve one table at a time."