Dumb Jokes — worst jokes

yo momma so stupid that she asked you what kind of jeans you had on. And you said Guess so she said Levi's.

I was so poor growing up...

If I wasn't born a boy..

I'd have nothing to play with.

A girl phoned me the other day and said ....

"Come on over, there's nobody home." I went over. Nobody was home.

If it weren't for pickpockets, I'd have no sex life at all.

During sex my girlfriend always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel.

One day as I came home early from work ... I saw a guy jogging naked. I said to the guy, "Hey buddy, why are you doing that?"

He said, "Because you came home early."

Its been a rough day. I got up this morning, put on a shirt and a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase and the handle came off.

I'm afraid to go to the bathroom.

I was such an ugly kid...

When I played in the sandbox the cat kept covering me up.

I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

I was such an ugly baby...

My mother never breast fed me. She told me that she only liked me as a friend.

I'm so ugly...

My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.

When I was born .... the doctor came out to the waiting room and said to my father, "I'm very sorry. We did everything we could... But he pulled through."

I'm so ugly ... My mother had morning sickness - after I was born.

I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.

Once when I was lost..... I saw a policeman and asked him to help me find my parents. I said to him .... "Do you think we'll ever find them?"

He said, "I don't know kid ... there are so many places they can hide."

My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday.

I'm so ugly...

I worked in a pet shop and people kept asking how big I'd get.

I went to see my doctor "Doctor, every morning when I get up and look in the mirror... I feel like throwing up. What's wrong with me?" he said...

"I don't know but your eyesight is perfect."

I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest.

Yo mamma so stupid she got hit by a parked car.

A man frantically calls 911 and says, "help...my wife has gone into labor and her contractions are 10 minutes apart".

- 911: Is this her first child?

- Man: Of course not, you idiot...this is her husband!

You're so ugly, yo momma had to tie a pork chop around your neck just to get the dog to play with you.

Yo momma's so fat that the last time that she wore a T-shirt with a X on it a helicopter tried to land on her.

Your dog is so dumb that if you were to cut off his tail and make him walk backwards he'd start wagging his head!

Your mamma's so stupid she locked her self in a bathroom and peed her pants!

Your cousin Jimmy is so stupid, he stole some free samples!

A gorilla was walking thru' a jungle when he came across a deer eating grasses in a clearing. The gorilla roared, 'Who's the king of the jungle?', and the deer replied, 'Oh, you are, Master.' The gorilla walked off pleased. Soon he came across a zebra drinking at a water hole. Again, he roared, 'Who's the king of the jungle?', of course, the zebra replied, 'You are, master.' The gorilla walked of pleased. Then he came across an elephant. 'Who's the king of the jungle?', he roared again, at the elephant. With that, the elephant threw the gorilla across a tree and jumped on him.

The gorilla scraped himself up off the ground and said, 'Ok, ok, there's no need to get mad just because you don't know the answer!'

A guy walks into a gun shop to buy a gun.

"Can I help you sir?" asked the shopkeeper.

Ah, yes... I want to buy a .44 Magnum please.

The shopkeeper informs the man that the .44 is a very powerful gun, and asks the customer what he's going to use it for.

The man replies, "I want to shoot cans!"

What? Cans! You don't need a .44 to shoot cans sir, a much smaller gun would do, advised the shopkeeper.

The customer has enough and finally says, "Shut up and give me the dang .44 Mag... I want to shoot AmeriCans, MexiCans, and AfriCans!

A woman went down to the Welfare Office to get aid. The office worker asked her, "How many children do you have?"

"Ten," she replied.

"What are their names?" he asked.

"LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, and LeRoy," she answered.

"They're all named LeRoy?" he asked "What if you want them to come in from playing outside?"

"Oh, that's easy," she said. "I just call 'LeRoy,' and they all come running in."

"And, if you want them to come to the table for dinner?"

"I just say, 'LeRoy, come eat your dinner'," she answered.

"But what if you just want ONE of them to do something?" he asked.

"Oh, that's easy," she said. "I just use their last name!"