Random joke from this category
A redneck returns to the doctors after having some tests and asks what the results were.
The doctor explains that he has some bad news, in fact, the patient is HIV positive.
"Hell," says the man, "You can't trust anybody nowadays, not even your own kids!"
There was once a guy whose tongue was so long that when he stuck it out for the doctor, the nurse went, "Aaaaaahhh!!!"
An American has sex with a Soviet emigre woman and catches a strange venereal disease (this time, a green ring around the base of the penis). The patient goes to a doctor who says he's never seen anything like it, but his penis would probably have to be amputated.
The patient then goes to another doctor, who also doesn't know anything about this decease, but thinks the amputation is indicated. Deeply distressed, the patient decided to go to a Soviet emigre doctor, figuring he may be familiar with this V. D.
Indeed, the Soviet emigre doctor says, "I know this decease! Your American doctors always want to cut. Don't do anything. Two week later, prick fall off by himself!"
An American has sex with a Soviet emigre woman. The next day his prick turns black. He runs to a doctor and asks, "Doctor, is this some weird venereal disease?"
"Worse," says the doctor. "It's frostbite!"
This man is waiting for his wife to deliver his first child. When the doctor comes out of the operating room, he comes up to him and asks to see his wife and baby.
- I have something to tell you... Your baby has got no legs...
- Oh... I guess it's still my son. Let me see it.
- He's got no arms either...
- That bad, uh? I have to see it!
- And he's got no trunk either... No head... Actually, it's only an ear...
- ... He's still my son, take me to him now.
Then they go in a sterile room where a nurse carries in a cradle with a huge ear in it.
- My son!!! Flesh of my flesh!!! Blood of my blood!!!
- Louder...he's deaf too!!!
A woman has just started to play golf when she gets stung on the arm by a bee. She rushes back to the clubhouse, hoping to find a doctor. She asks, "Is anyone here a doctor."
One guy, who was pretty drunk, stands up and says, "I'm a doctor, what can I help you with?"
- I've been stung by a bee.
- Oh really, where?
- Between the first and second hole
- Well, first of all, your stance is too wide...
Then there's the woman who goes to the dentist.
As he leans over to begin working on her, she grabs his balls.
The dentist says, "Madam, I believe you've got a hold of my privates."
The woman replies, "Yes... And we're going to be careful not to hurt each other, aren't we..."
A businessman was in Japan to make a presentation to the Toyota motor people. Needless to say, this was an especially important deal, and it was imperative that he make the best possible impression.
On the morning of the presentation he awoke to find himself passing gas, in large volumes, with the unpleasant characteristic of sounding like "HONDA." The man was besides himself. Every few minutes "HONDA", "HONDA"....
Unable to stop this aberrant behavior, and in desperate need to terminate these odious and rather embarrassing emissions, he sought a physicians aid. After a full examination, the doctor told him that there was nothing inherently wrong with him and that he would just have to wait it out.
Being unwilling to accept this state of affairs he visited a second and then a third doctor all of whom told him the same thing. Finally one medic suggested that he visit a dentist. Well, although he could not see how a dentist was going to be of any help, he visited one anyway.
Lo and behold, the dentist said, "Ah, there's the problem!"
"What is it?" the man asked.
"Why you have an abscess," said the dentist.
"An abscess? How could that be causing my problem?" asked the man.
"That's easy," replied the dentist. "Why everyone knows... Abscess makes the fart go Honda!" (peeeeeeeeyeeeeeeeeew...hahahahahah)
What's worse than having your doctor tell you that you have a sexually transmitted disease?
→ Having your dentist tell you!
