Doctor Jokes — worst jokes

- Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I'm a laptop computer.

- You're just run down, let me give you some vitamins.

- No, thanks. But I could do with some new batteries.

- Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I'm a computer.

- My goodness, you'd better come to my surgery right away!

- I can't, my power cable won't reach that far.

A lawyer with insomnia consulted her doctor.
"Which side is it best to lie on?" she asked.
"The side that pays your fee," replied the doctor.

An accountant is having a hard time sleeping and goes to see his doctor. "Doctor, I just can't get to sleep at night."

"Have you tried counting sheep?"

"That's the problem - I make a mistake and then spend three hours trying to find it."

- Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I'm a telephone.

- Doctor: Why's that?

- I keep getting calls in the night.

- School Doctor: Have you ever had trouble with appendicitis?

- Fred: Only when I tried to spell it.

A old snake goes to see his Doctor.

"Doc, I need something for my eyes...can't see well these days".

The Doc fixes him up with a pair of glasses and tells him to return in 2 weeks.

The snake comes back in 2 weeks and tells the doctor he's very depressed.

Doc says, "What's the problem...didn't the glasses help you?"

"The glasses are fine doc, I just discovered I've been living with a water hose the past 2 years!"

An old man visits his doctor and after thorough examination the doctor tells him: "I have good news and bad news, what would you like to hear first?"

- Patient: Well, give me the bad news first.

- Doctor: You have cancer, I estimate that you have about two years left.

- Patient: OH NO! That's awefull! In two years my life will be over! What kind of good news could you probably tell me, after this???

- Doctor: You also have Alzheimer's. In about three months you are going to forget everything I told you.

A lawyer with insomnia consulted her doctor.

"Which side is it best to lie on?" she asked.
"The side that pays your fee," replied the doctor.

What kind of doctor fixes broken websites?
→ A URLologist.