Doctor Jokes — worst jokes

- Doctor, doctor, I feel dead from the waist down.

- I'll arrange for you to be halfburied.

Higginbote and Goldstein, Fordham freshmen, were discussing what kind of work would supply them with big bucks after graduation.

"Well, I've always thought I'd like to be a doctor," said Higginbote. "Specialize in something or other. Like obstetrics, maybe."

"Obstetrics?" scoffed Goldstein. "At the rate science is going, you'd no sooner learn all about it when bingo! somebody'd find a cure for it."

- Doctor, Doctor, Father Christmas gives us oranges every Christmas. Now I think I'm turning into an orange!

- Have you tried playing squash?

- My problem is that I keep stealing things when I go Christmas shopping. Can you give me something for it!

- Doctor: Try this medicine...and if it doesn't work come back and bring me a new video camera.

- Doctor, Doctor I'm scared of Father Christmas

- Doctor: You're suffering from Claus-trophobia.

- Doctor, Doctor, with all the excitement of Christmas I can't sleep.

- Try lying on the edge of your bed...you'll soon drop off!

- Doctor, Doctor, I keep thinking I'm a Christmas bell!

- Just take these pills - and, if they don't work, give me a ring!

The second grader was in bed with a cold and high temperature. 'How high is it, Doctor?' she wanted to know.
'One hundred and three,' said the doctor.
'What is the world record?'

On the way to preschool, the doctor had left her stethoscope on the car seat, and her little girl picked it up and began playing with it.

'Be still, my heart,' thought my friend, 'my daughter wants to follow in my footsteps!' Then the child spoke to the instrument: "Welcome to McDonald's. May I take your order?"

"Doctor," said the patient, "I need help! I can't stop acting like a cat!"

"How long have you had this problem?" the doctor asked.

"Lest's see," said the patient, "Mom had the litter in '41."