Doctor Jokes — worst jokes

- Patient: Doctor, I think I swallowed a pillow.

- Doctor: How do you feel?

- Patient: A little down in the mouth.

A young woman went to her doctor complaining of pain.
"Where are you hurting?" asked the doctor.
"You have to help me, I hurt all over", said the woman.
"What do you mean, all over?" asked the doctor, "be a little more specific."

The woman touched her right knee with her index finger and yelled, "Ow, that hurts." Then she touched her left cheek and again yelled, "Ouch! That hurts, too." Then she touched her right earlobe, "Ow, even THAT hurts", she cried.

The doctor checked her thoughtfully for a moment and told her his diagnosis, "You have a broken finger."

- Dentist: $100.00.

- Patient: $100.00 for just a few minutes work?

- Dentist: Well, I can extract it very slowly if you like.

- Patient: Doctor, what should I do if my temperature goes up five more points?

- Doctor: Sell!

A man walks into a doctor's office.

He has a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear and a banana in his right ear.
"What's the matter with me?" he asks the doctor.
The doctor replies, "You're not eating properly."

- Patient: I'm in a hospital! Why am I in here?

- Doctor: You've had an accident involving a bus.

- Patient: What happened?

- Doctor: Well, I've got some good news and some bad news. Which would you like to hear first?

- Patient: Give me the bad news first.

- Doctor: Your legs were injured so badly that we had to amputate both of them.

- Patient: That's terrible! What's the good news?

- Doctor: There's a guy in the next ward who made a very good offer on your slippers.

The Doctor was puzzled. "I'm very sorry but I can't diagnose your trouble, Mahoney. I think it must be drink."

"Don't worry about it Dr. Kelley, I'll come back when you're sober."

- Doctor, Doctor, I think I'm a python.

- You can't get round me just like that, you know!

- Doctor, Doctor I think I'm an electric eel

- That's shocking!

- Doctor, Doctor I think I'm a bridge

- What's come over you?

- Oh, two cars, a large truck and a coach.

- Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I'm a woodworm

- How boring for you!