Doctor Jokes — worst jokes

- Doctor: Did you take the patient's temperature?

- Nurse: No. Is it missing?

A doctor and a nurse were called to the scene of an accident.

- Doctor: We need to get these people to a hospital now!

- Nurse: What is it?

- Doctor: It's a big building with a lot of doctors, but that's not important now!

- Nurse: Doctor, there is a man in the waiting room with a glass eye named Brown.

- Doctor: What does he call his other eye?

- Doctor: Nurse, how is that little girl doing who swallowed ten quarters last night?

- Nurse: No change yet.

- Mrs. Smith: Help me, doctor! My son, John, swallowed the can opener!

- Doctor: Don't panic. He'll be alright.

- Mrs. Smith: But how do I open the can of beans?! The toast is getting cold!

- Doctor: Have you ever had this before?

- Patient: Yes.

- Doctor: Well, you've got it again!

A pipe burst in a doctor's house. He called a plumber. The plumber arrived, unpacked his tools, did mysterious plumber-type things for a while, and handed the doctor a bill for $600.
The doctor exclaimed, "This is ridiculous! I don't even make that much as a doctor!."
The plumber quietly answered, "Neither did I when I was a doctor."

The seven-year old girl told her mom, "A boy in my class asked me to play doctor."
"Oh, dear," the mother nervously sighed. "What happened, honey?"
"Nothing, he made me wait 45 minutes and then double-billed the insurance company."

What's the difference between a surgeon and a puppy?
→ If you put a puppy in a room by itself for an hour, it'll probably stop whining.

- Mary: My daughter believes in preventative medicine, doctor.

- Doctor: Oh, really?

- Mary: Yes, she tries to prevent me from making her take it!