Doctor Jokes — worst jokes

Why did the cookie go to the doctor?
→ He was feeling crummy!

- I went to see my doctor to see if he could help me give up smoking.

- What did he say?

- He suggested that every time I felt like a smoke I should reach for a bar of chocolate.

- Did that do any good?

- No - I can't get the chocolate to light.

- Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I'm a slice of bread.

- Doctor: You've got to stop loafing around.

Which fish can perform operations?
→ Sturgeon!

A small town Doctor was famous in the area for always catching large fish.

One day while he was on one of his frequent fishing trips he got a call that a woman at a neighboring farm was giving birth. He rushed to her aid and delivered a healthy baby boy.

The farmer had nothing to weigh the baby with so the Doctor used his fishing scales.

The baby weighed 22 lbs 10 oz..

Did you hear about the Jewish doctor who gave a patient six months to live?
→ When the patient couldn't pay, the doctor gave him another six months.

- Witch: Doctor, I can't help pulling ugly faces.

- Doctor: Well there's nothing terrible about that.

- Witch: It is when the people with ugly faces don't like them being pulled.

- Patient: The trouble is, doctor, I keep pulling ugly faces.

- Doctor: Don't worry, I don't expect anyone will notice.

A boy with an elephant on his head went to see a doctor. The doctor said, "You know you really need help."
"Yes I do," said the elephant, "get this kid off my foot!"

What dog do other dogs go to when they are sick?
→ A docs-hund!