Dirty Jokes — worst jokes

Why was Raggedy Anne kicked out of the toypen?
→ Because she kept sitting on Pinnochio's face saying:

- Lie to me, lie to me!

A white guy is being shipped off to Jamaica for a year with the army. His fiance, Wendy, is really worried about her man being unfaithful, so she asks him to tattoo her name to his penis...

He agrees, and does so.

When his penis isn't erect you can see the letters W and Y. The woman feeling secure knowing that her name is tattooed on her man's penis says good-bye to her fiance and he leaves for Jamaica.

One day, while in Jamaica, the guy is at the urinal and a black Jamaican comes and stands at the urinal next to him... The white guy happens to notice that the Jamaican also has a tattoo on his penis and he could see the letters W and Y, so he says to the Jamaican:

- Wow, that's really interesting, I guess you have a girlfriend named Wendy too?

And the Jamaican looks at him with a puzzled look and then stretches out his penis and it says...:

- Welcome to Jamaica have a nice day!

How are a vending machine and Monica Lewinsky alike?
→ Insert Bill here.

What does a blonde and a screen door have in common?
→ The more you bang 'em the looser they get.

An eminent teacher and thinker once expressed his philosophy of life:

- When it all boils done to the essence of truth - the philosopher said, one must live by a dog's rule of life:

- If you can't eat it or fuck it...

PISS ON IT!

The boss of a large company says to his protege:

- I'm transferring you to the northern office.

The protege says:

- But that place is full of whores and football players!

The boss replies:

- My wife used to live there!

The protege quickly responds:

- Really?? What position does she play?

What's the difference between driving in the fog and eating pussy?
→ When you're eating pussy you can see the asshole in front of you!

There was no action at the White House the past few days, hear about this?

Yea, I guess it was labeled a "No Open Fly" zone!

How many right-to-lifers does it take to change a light bulb?
→ Three. Two to screw it in, and one to confirm that light began while they were screwing.

A bear and a rabbit are taking a dump in the woods.

The bear turns to the rabbit and asks:

- Do you have a problem with shit sticking to your fur?

The rabbit says:

- No, of course not!

So the bear wipes his ass with the rabbit!