Dirty Jokes — worst jokes

Why did the skeleton burp?
→ Because it didn't have the guts to fart.

A fellow was shipwrecked with six lovely women who in a short time were fighting over his attentions.

They held a meeting to resolve the problem and decided that each would have his services on a different day of the week, with Sundays off for him.

In due time the guy was dragging himself through the week, looking forward to Sunday. As he lay on the beach one day he saw a dot floating on the sea which as it got closer turned out to be a man on a raft. With his last ounce of strength he swam out, pulled the raft ashore, gave the occupant CPR and as he came around said to him; "Oh man, am I ever glad to see you!"

"Goodness gracious, am I ever glad to see you too" said the raft rider in a swishy way.

With a shrug of resignation the guy said... "Oh damn, there goes my Sundays!"

Why do Farts stink?
→ So that Deaf people can enjoy them too.

Why did the pervert cross the road?
→ He was stuck to the chicken.

Do you know what a dog and a screen door have in common?
→ the more you bang them the looser they get.

What do elephants use for tampoons?
→ Sheep.

What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree?
→ Hold on to your nuts, this is going to be a hell of a blowjob!

Grant's Bar and Casino:
Liquor in the front,
Poker in the rear.

There was a farmer, sitting on the front porch of his house this one hot summer day, when this kid comes walking down the road carrying a big bundle of wire.

- Hey kid! - the farmer says.

- Where ya goin' with that wire?

- Well - the kid drawls, this here ain't just any ol' wire, this here's chicken wire -- I'm fixin' to catch me some chickens!

- You can't catch chickens with chicken wire!

- Sure I can! - the kid says, and takes off down the road. He comes back at the end of the day and sure enough, he's got a whole mess of chickens caught in his chicken wire.

Well, the farmer's sitting on his porch the next day, and the same kid comes walking down the lane, carrying a big roll of tape.

- Hey kid! - the farmer yells.

- Where ya goin' with that tape?

- Well, this here ain't just any ol' tape, this here's duck tape -- I'm fixin' to catch me some ducks!

- You can't catch ducks with duck tape! - the farmer yells back.

- Sure I can! - the kid says, and takes off down the road. He comes back at the end of the day and again, the farmer can't believe his eyes. The kid had a whole bunch of ducks all wrapped up tightly in his tape.

The next day the farmer's sitting on his porch again, and the kid comes walking down the road carrying a stick.

- Hey kid! - the farmer says.

- Where ya goin' with that stick?

- Well, this here ain't just any old stick, this here's pussy willow.

- Hang on - the farmer says.

- I'll get my hat.

What would you do if you had a condum with a hole in it in one pocket, and a rattle snake in the other pocket?
→ I don't know either, but I do know that I wouldn't screw with either one of them.