Dirty Jokes — worst jokes

Brunette after sex:

- Oh that was great! Love you... wanna marry?

Blonde after sex:

- Next!

Redhead after sex:

- Better start chewing some VITAMINS, kid.

For me, penises are a hobby ... kinda like fishing ... The small ones you throw back, the good-sized ones you take home for dinner, and the big ones you mount.

When the man first noticed that his penis was growing longer, he was delighted. But several weeks and several inches later, he became concerned and went to see a urologist. While his wife waited outside, the physician examined him and explained that, though rare, his condition could be corrected by minor surgery. The patient's wife anxiously rushed up to the doctor after the examination and was told of the diagnosis and the need for surgery.

- How long will he be on crutches? - she asked.

- Crutches??? - the doctor asked.

- Well, yes - the woman said.

- You are going to lengthen his legs, aren't you?

A woman walks into her accountant's office and tells him that she needs to file her taxes. The accountant says:

- Before we begin, I'll need to ask a few questions.

He gets her name, address, social security number, etc. and then asks:

- What is your occupation?

The woman replies:

- I'm a whore.

The accountant balks and says:

- No, no, no. That will never work. That is much too crass. Let's try to rephrase that.

The woman:

- Ok, I'm a prostitute.

- No, that is still too crude. Try again.

They both think for a minute, then the woman states:

- I'm a chicken farmer.

The accountant asks:

- What does chicken farming have to do with being a whore or a prostitute?

- Well, I raised over 5,000 cocks last year.

What do you do in case of fallout?
→ Put it back in and take shorter strokes!

Do you know why it's called sex?
→ Because it's easier to spell than Uhhhhh..oooohh...

Ahhhhhh....

AIIEEEEEEE!!!

A man leaned toward an attractive woman at a bar and told her:

- Haven't I seen you somewhere before?

- Yes, I'm the receptionist at the V.D. clinic - she replied in a loud voice.

If the bird of wisdom is an owl, and the bird of peace is the dove, what is the bird of TRUE love?
→ The Swallow.

A REDNECK BRINGS HIS DAUGHTER TO THE GYNOCOLOGIST FOR BIRTH CONTROL PILLS.

THE DR. ASKS:

- IS YOUR DAUGHTER SEXUALLY ACTIVE?

THE REDNECK SAYS:

- NAW, SHE JUST LAYS THERE LIKE HER MOTHER.

Down in Florida, two widows were talking and one asked the other:

- Do you ever get to feeling horny?

- Yes - her friend replied.

- What do you do about it?

- I usually suck on a Lifesaver.

After a moment of stunned silence her friend asked:

- Well, what beach do you go to?