Random joke from this category
A blonde guy was sitting in a bar when he spots a very pretty young woman. He advances towards her when the bartender says to him:
- Don't waste your time on that one. She's a lesbian.
The blonde goes over to her anyway and says:
- So which part of Lesbia are you from?
At a paternity trial, the blonde's lawyer asked:
- On the night of July 16th last, at approximately 11:45 p.m., in the locale known generally as 'Lover's Lane,' did the defendant have sexual relations with you?
- Yes - whispered the girl, her head bowed.
- And did the defendant on that occasion, to the best of your knowledge, have a climax? - the lawyer continued.
- Oh no - she replied.
- I'm pretty sure... he had one of them fancy Mitsubishis.
Two Blonde men were in the woods hunting. One looked at the other and said:
- I've got to take a crap.
The other said:
- Well go behind one of those big trees, and crap.
The first one said:
- But I don't have any paper to wipe my ass.
The other blonde replied:
- You have a dollar, don't you?
The first one said:
- Yeah, I've got a dollar. That's a great idea-- I'll use that!
He left and came back with crap all over his hands and clothes.
His friend looked at him and asked:
- What in the hell happened to you?
The first one replied:
- Have you ever tried to wipe your ass with 3 quarters, 2 dimes, and a nickel?
How does a blonde have safe sex?
→ She locks the car door.
A blonde is walking down the street with her blouse open and her right breast hanging out. A policeman approaches her and says:
- Ma'am, are you aware that I could cite you for indecent exposure?
She says:
- Why, officer?
- Because your breast is hanging out.
She looks down and says:
- OH MY GOODNESS! I left the baby on the bus again!
A blonde and a brunette were taking the elevator to the lobby from the 25th floor. On the 23rd floor, a great looking man with ruffled hair gets into the elevator. The women exchange a look acknowledging just how good looking this man is. The man gets off the elevator on the 12th floor. The women watch him exit the elevator. The brunette turns to the blonde and says, "God was he good looking, but someone ought to give him some head." To which the blonde replies, "How do you give Shoulders?"
A blonde is walking down the street with her blouse open and her right breast hanging out. A policeman approaches her and says:
- Ma'am, are you aware that I could cite you for indecent exposure?
She says:
- Why, officer?
- Because your breast is hanging out.
She looks down and says:
- OH MY GOODNESS! I left the baby on the bus again!
A blonde walks into a restaurant to get some lunch, and while she's deciding on what she wants a waitress comes up. The blonde looks up and notices the waitress's name tag on her shirt. "Gee, that's nice. What did you name the other one?"
A depressed young blonde was so desperate that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean. When she went down to the docks, a handsome young sailor noticed her tears, took pity on her, and said:
- Look, you've got a lot to live for. I'm off to Europe in the morning, and if you like, I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take good care of you and bring you food every day.
Moving closer, he slipped his arm around her shoulder and added:
- I'll keep you happy, and you'll keep me happy.
The girl nodded 'yes.' After all, what did she have to lose? That night, the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a life-boat. From then on, every night he brought her three sandwiches and a piece of fruit, and they made passionate love until dawn. Three weeks later, during a routine search, she was discovered by the captain.
- What are you doing here? - the Captain asked.
- I have an arrangement with one of the sailors - the blonde explained.
- He's taking me to Europe, and he's screwing me.
- He sure is, lady... This is the Staten Island Ferry!
Why did the blonde have a sore belly button?
→ Her boyfriend was also blonde.
