Computer Jokes — worst jokes

President Yeltsin, President Clinton and Bill Gates are invited to have dinner with God. During dinner He tells them: "I needed three important people to send my message out to all the people: Tomorrow I will destroy the Earth."

Yeltsin immediately calls together his cabinet and announces: "I have two really bad news items. God really exists, and tomorrow he will destroy the earth."

Clinton calls an emergency meeting of congress and announces: "I have good news and bad news. The good news is God really does exist; the bad news is tomorrow he's destroying the Earth."

Gates goes back to Microsoft and tells his employees: "I have two pieces of great news. First, I am one of the three most important people on earth, and second, I think I've got the Y2K problem fixed."

How many Bill Gates does it take to change a lightbulb?
→ One - he puts it in the socket and lets the world revolve around him.

OJ Simpson's website address: www dot 'o' dot 'j' dot com backslash backslash backslash escape.

What did Bill Gates' wife say to him on his wedding night?
→ "Now I know why you called your company Microsoft"

A guy is taking a walk and sees a frog on the side of the road. As he comes closer, the frog starts to talk. 'Kiss me and I will turn into a princess.' The guy picks the frog up and puts it in his pocket.

The frog starts shouting, 'Hey! Didn't you hear me? I'm a Princess. Just kiss me and I will be yours.' The guy takes the frog out of his pocket and smiles at it and puts it back.

The frog is really frustrated. 'I don't get it. Why won't you kiss me? I will turn into a beautiful princess and do anything you ask.'

The guy says, 'Look, I'm a computer geek. I don't have time for girls. But a talking frog is cool!'

Mr. Johnson, a businessman from Wisconsin, went on a business trip to Louisiana. He immediately sent an e-mail back home to his wife, Jennifer (JenJohnson@AOL.com).

Unfortunately, he forgot his wife's exact email address and the e-mail ended up going to a Mrs. Joan Johnson (JJohnson@AOL.com) of New Jersey, the wife of a preacher who had just passed away.

The preacher's wife took one look at the e-mail and promptly fainted.

When she was finally revived by her daughter, she nervously pointed to the message, which read: "Arrived safely, but it sure is hot down here."

- Ted: Last night my computer died.

- Ned: What did it die of?

- Ted: A terminal illness

How do you know a blonde's been at your computer?
→ The joystick's wet.

How else do you know a blonde's been at your computer?
→ There's white out on the screen.

How do you know she's been back?
→ There's writing on the white out.

What do a turtle and a blonde have in common?
→ Once they're on their backs, they're fucked!...but at least the turtle tries to get back up!

10. The monitor is up on blocks.
11. Outgoing faxes have tobacco stains on them.
12. The six front keys have rotted out.
13. The extra RAM slots have Dodge truck parts stored in them.
14. The numeric keypad only goes up to six.
15. The password is "Bubba".
16. There's a gun rack mounted on the CPU.
17. There's a Skoal can in the CD-ROM drive.
18. The keyboard is camouflaged.

AND the number 1 way to tell if a Redneck has been working on a computer is...

1. The mouse is referred to as a "critter".

What's O. J. Simpson's Internet address?
→ Slash, slash, backslash, slash, slash, escape.