Christmas Jokes — worst jokes

What does a black boy get for Christmas?
→ Your Bike.

The perfect man, the perfect woman, and Santa Claus are in a car driving down the road and there is a fatal accident. There in only one survivor. Who is it?
→ The perfect woman - Santa Claus is made up and there's no such thing as the perfect man!

5-year-old Nicholas was sitting on a department store Santa's lap and told him, "My name's the same as yours."

Santa's helper blows his cover when he says, "Well, hello, Harold!"

A guy was walking around the office Christmas party belting down drink after drink. But every ten or fifteen minutes, he reached into his shirt pocket, pulled something out, took a look at it, then put it back in his pocket.

Finally, a friend came up to him and said, "George, I've been watching you all night, and I have to ask...what's in your shirt pocket?"

"It's a picture of my wife."

"Why do you keep looking at it?"

"Because," George replied, "When she finally starts looking good, it's time to go home."

If your child asks how Santa Claus gets into the house, just tell him he comes in through a large hole in daddy's wallet.

What do the female reindeer do when Santa takes the male reindeer out on Christmas Eve?
→ They go into town, and blow a few bucks.

This guy goes into a restaurant for a Christmas breakfast while in his home town for the holidays.

After looking over the menu he says, "I'll just have the eggs benedict." His order comes a while later and it's served on a huge fancy chrome plate.

He asks the waiter, "What's with the fancy plate?"

The waiter replies, "There's no plate like chrome for the hollandaise!"

How come you never hear anything about the 10th reindeer "Olive"?

- Olive ?

- Yeah, you know, "Olive the other reindeer, used to laugh and call him names"

Why did the snowman have a smile on his face?
→ Because the snowblower was coming down the block.

Why are women's breasts like a train set a kid gets at Christmas time?
→ Because they were originally made for children but the father wants to play with them.