Random joke from this category
PROOF THAT BILL GATES IS THE ANTICHRIST
Conversion to ASCII values:
MS-DOS 6.21 77 83 45 68 79 83 32 54 46 50 49 = 666
WINDOWS95 87 73 78 68 79 87 83 57 53 1 = 666
SYSTEM 7.0 83 89 83 84 69 77 32 55 46 48 = 666
Coincidence? I think not!
The real name of the Bill Gates is William Henry Gates III. By converting the letters of his current name to the ASCII-values and adding his (III), you get the following:
B 66
I 73
L 76
L 76
G 71
A 65
T 84
E 69
S 83
3
666!!!!
What kind of wood does not float?
→ Natalie Wood!
A recent survey carried out by a leading soft drink manufacturer in Disneyland produced some strange results.
Mickey Mouse like Coca-Cola, while Minnie prefers Pepsi.
Donald Duck likes Dr. Pepper, while Daisy prefers RootBeer.
Pluto likes plain old lemonade, as does Goofy.
But Snow White adores 7up.
I was so poor growing up...
If I wasn't born a boy..
I'd have nothing to play with.
A girl phoned me the other day and said ....
"Come on over, there's nobody home." I went over. Nobody was home.
If it weren't for pickpockets, I'd have no sex life at all.
During sex my girlfriend always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel.
One day as I came home early from work ... I saw a guy jogging naked. I said to the guy, "Hey buddy, why are you doing that?"
He said, "Because you came home early."
Its been a rough day. I got up this morning, put on a shirt and a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase and the handle came off.
I'm afraid to go to the bathroom.
I was such an ugly kid...
When I played in the sandbox the cat kept covering me up.
I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
I was such an ugly baby...
My mother never breast fed me. She told me that she only liked me as a friend.
I'm so ugly...
My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.
When I was born .... the doctor came out to the waiting room and said to my father, "I'm very sorry. We did everything we could... But he pulled through."
I'm so ugly ... My mother had morning sickness - after I was born.
I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
Once when I was lost..... I saw a policeman and asked him to help me find my parents. I said to him .... "Do you think we'll ever find them?"
He said, "I don't know kid ... there are so many places they can hide."
My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday.
I'm so ugly...
I worked in a pet shop and people kept asking how big I'd get.
I went to see my doctor "Doctor, every morning when I get up and look in the mirror... I feel like throwing up. What's wrong with me?" he said...
"I don't know but your eyesight is perfect."
I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest.
How did Black eye peas get their name?
→ They were fighting over the Chick peas!
Did you hear there is a new movie out about the Kennedys?
It's called Three Funerals and a Wedding.
One morning at church, the pastor was preaching about what God was and wasn't.
He said "God is neither white, nor black. God is neither male nor female."
After hearing all this, a curious 5 year old turned to his dad and asked, "Daddy, is God Michael Jackson?"
So, I recently took a tour of the White House, and on the tour our guide pointed out the new name to the "Oval Office", seems someone liked the name the "Oral Office" better!
Chuck Norris, Arnold Swartzenagger, and Jean Claud VanDam, were talking one day. Chuck Norris asked, "If you were a musician, who would you be?".
Chuck Norris said, "I would be Motzart." Jean Claud VanDam said, "I would be Bethoven." Arnold said, "I'll be Bach!"
Jessie James and his gang are attacking a train outside of Oklahoma City. As they go through each car, they line up the travelers and prepare to take all their loot.
As Jesse entered the first car he yelled, "Okay, everybody, we're going to rape all the men and rob all the women!"
Upon hearing this, his brother Frank turned to him and said, "ah, Jessie, don't you mean we're going to rob all the men and rape all the women?"
With that said, a little fairy in the corner pops up and says...
"Listen, you heard Jessie...he's the boss!"
