Random joke from this category
A blonde with two red ears went to her doctor.
The doctor asked her what had happened to her ears and she answered, "I was ironing a shirt and the phone rang - but instead of picking up the phone I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear."
"Oh Dear!" the doctor exclaimed in disbelief.
"But. what happened to your other ear?"
"The son of a bitch called back."
What's the difference between a computer and a blonde?
→ The computer is smarter, but the blonde is easier to turn on.
Two blondes were walking through the woods and they came to some tracks. The first blonde said "These look like deer tracks." The other said, "No, they look like moose tracks." They argued and argued and were still arguing when the train hit them.
Two blondes were walking down the street. One noticed a compact on the sidewalk and leaned down to pick it up. She opened it, looked in the mirror, and said, "Hmmm, this person looks familiar."
"Let me look." said the other one. So she handed her the compact.
The second blonde looked in the mirror then turned to the first one.
"You dumbass -- that's ME!"
Three women, A brunette, a redhead, and a blonde, all come home from work at the same time and get on the elevator. The brunette notices a blob on the elevator wall and says: "OOOOOhhh that looks like semen." She reaches out and touches the blob with her fingers and says "It feels like semen."
The redhead reaches out and touches it with her fingers, smells it, and says "It smells like semen." The blonde, reaches out and touches it with her fingers and then puts her fingers in her mouth and tastes it and says, "It doesn't taste like anyone in this building . . ."
What do you call three blondes on Santa's Lap??
→ Ho Ho Ho
There are three friends, a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead.
They were on a cruise ship and it was heading home. When they got about 20 miles of shore the boat began to sink (no idea way use your imagination). The three girls jump off and swim to a nearby island. After being there a few days the brunette tries to swim to shore. She gets about five miles off the island's shore and drowns. After a few days pass the redhead decides that she will try. She gets about have way and drowns. Now realizing all her friends are gone she decides to try too. Now she swims for hours. She gets to where she can see the shore but she is so tired she decieds to turn around and go back.
Judi was bored with driving her BMW. It laced individuality and besides that, every other girl in the office had one. She fancied something a bit more individual, perhaps an MG convertible.
That week she visited her local car dealer and spied a beautiful Jaguar XK140 convertible. It was wonderfully restored and she fell in love with its gorgeous red paint work. An empty check stub later and off she was tearing down the leafy country lanes enjoying her beautiful new car. Her long blonde hair was flowing in the wind, music blaring from the radio, what could possibly go wrong?
At that thought there was a splutter from the engine and the car slowly coasted to a stop. She got out and lifted the bonnet and concluded after a few minutes that she didn't have a bloody clue what was wrong. Luckily she had her mobile phone with her and a quick phone call to the AutoClub and a short wait saw a bright shiny yellow van pull up behind her.
"That's a lovely car," said the mechanic. "What seems to be the matter?"
Judi replied, "Well, it just conked out I'm afraid."
"Let me have look." He set to work and ten minutes later the engine was purring like a cat again.
"Thank goodness," she said. "What was the matter?"
"Simple really, just crap in the carburetor," he replied.
Looking shocked she asked, "Oh. How many times a week do I have to do that?"
What do spaghetti and blondes have in common?
→ They both wiggle when you eat them!
A blond walks into a bar.
Ouch!
