Animal Jokes — worst jokes

What kind of suit does a bee wear to work?
→ A buzzness suit!

What do you call a bee who's had a spell put on him?
→ He's bee-witched!

What did the idiot do to the flea in his ear?
→ Shot it!

Two newfies walked into a pet store. The first says:

- I want four budgies.

- Salesman: Certainly sir, would you like two male and two female or all male or all female?

- Newfie: I don't care. I just want 4 budgies!

- Salesman: Certainly sir, what color would you like? We have yellow, blue, gr...

- Newfie: I don't care what color they are, just put four budgies in a box for me. Is that too hard?

- Salesman: O.K. O.K.

The two newfies pay for the budgies and leave. They drive out to this high cliff in Newfoundland and the first newfie reaches in the box and pulls out two of the birds, grasps them firmly and jumps off the cliff while flapping his arms. Of course he SPLATS at the bottom.
The second newfie looks down at his friend's twisted remains and says:

- What a shame. this budgie jumping isn't all it's cracked up to be!

A guy walking down a street one afternoon passes an old man sitting on the side of the road with a large sack.
The younger guy says to the old man:

- Watcha got in the sack?

The old man responds:

- I got some monkeys in that there sack.

The younger man asks:

- If I guess how many monkeys you got in the sack, can I keep one?

The old man replies:

- Son, if you guess how many monkeys I got in this sack, I'll give you both of 'em!

A boy went into the local department store where he saw a sign on the escalator - 'Dogs must be carried on this escalator.'
The boy then spent the next tow hours looking for a dog.

Why did the stupid boy wear a turtle neck sweater?
→ To hide his flea collar.

According to the Knight-Ridder News Service, the inscription on the metal bands used by the U.S. Department of the Interior to tag migratory birds has been changed. The bands used to bear the address of the Washington Biological Survey, abbreviated, "Wash. Biol. Surv." until the agency received the following letter from an Arkansas camper: "Dear Sirs: While camping last week I shot one of your birds. I think it was a crow. I followed the cooking instructions on the leg tag and I want to tell you it was horrible."

I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road. The reason: Many deer were being hit by cars and he no longer wanted them to cross there.

Did you hear about the Murfreesboro muddlebrain whose father told him about the birds and the bees?

The next day, the Tennessean was stung by a bee and thought he was pregnant.