Worst jokes

Two newfies walked into a pet store. The first says:

- I want four budgies.

- Salesman: Certainly sir, would you like two male and two female or all male or all female?

- Newfie: I don't care. I just want 4 budgies!

- Salesman: Certainly sir, what color would you like? We have yellow, blue, gr...

- Newfie: I don't care what color they are, just put four budgies in a box for me. Is that too hard?

- Salesman: O.K. O.K.

The two newfies pay for the budgies and leave. They drive out to this high cliff in Newfoundland and the first newfie reaches in the box and pulls out two of the birds, grasps them firmly and jumps off the cliff while flapping his arms. Of course he SPLATS at the bottom.
The second newfie looks down at his friend's twisted remains and says:

- What a shame. this budgie jumping isn't all it's cracked up to be!

Have you heard about the Irish abortion clinic?
→ There's a 12-month waiting list.

Did you hear about the 25 Irish people that drowned?
→ They were riverdancing.

After interviewing a particularly short-spoken job candidate, I described the person to my boss as rather monosyllabic.
My boss said:

- Really? Where is Monosyllabia?

Thinking that he was just kidding, I played along and said that it was just south of Elbonia. He replied:

- Oh, you mean over by Croatia?

Fire investigators on Maui have determined the cause of a blaze that destroyed a $127,000 home last month - a short in the homeowner's newly installed fire prevention alarm system. "This is even worse than last year," said the distraught homeowner, "when someone broke in and stole my new security system..."

A student in Belle, West Virginia was suspended for three days for giving a classmate a cough drop. School principal Forest Mann reiterated the school's "zero-tolerance" policy...not to be confused with the "zero-intelligence" policy.

A 9-year-old boy in Manassas, Virginia received a one-day suspension under his elementary school's drug policy last week - for Certs! Joey Hoeffer allegedly told a classmate that the mints would make him "jump higher."

An Illinois man pretending to have a gun kidnapped a motorist and forced him to drive to two different automated teller machines. The kidnapper then proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank accounts.

Why did the Aggie call 911 in the car wash?
→ He thought he saw the rotating car washer as a tornado

How do you keep an imbecile happy all his life?
→ Tell him a joke when he's a baby!