A psychologist returned from a confrence in Aspen lodge, where all the psychologists were permited to ski for free. Her husband asked her, "How it went?". She replied, "Fine, but I've never seen so many Freudians slips."
Why is psychoanalysis a lot quicker for a man then for a women?
→ Because when it's time to go back to childhood, a man is already there.
A guy goes in to see a psychologist. He says, "It seems I can't make any friends. Can you help me, you fat slob?"
Psychiatrist to his nurse:
- Just say we're very busy. Don't keep saying 'It's a madhouse.'
What's the difference between a psychologist and a magician?
→ A psychologist pulls habits out of rats!
Men don't get lost; they discover alternative destinations.
Anytime you see a young man open a car door for his girlfriend, either the car is new or the girlfriend is.
What do you call a man who marries an old, ugly and poor woman?
→ Desperate!
This man says to his friend, "I stopped driving 10 years ago. Now my wife drives and I just sit there and hold the wheel."
A neighbor of mine was bit by a stray rabid dog. I went to see how he was and found him writing furiously. I told him rabies could be cured and he didn't have to worry about a will. He said, "Will, what will? I'm making a list of people I'm gonna bite."
