Worst jokes

Sister Mary Holycard was in her 60s, and much admired for her sweetness and kindness to all.

One afternoon early in the spring a young priest came to chat, so she welcomed him into her Victorian parlor.

She then invited him to have a seat while she prepared a little tea.

As he sat facing her old pump organ, the young priest noticed a crystal glass bowl sitting on top of it filled with water, and in the water floated, a condom.

Well, imagine how shocked and surprised he was. Imagine his curiosity! Surely, he thought, Sister Mary had flipped or something!

When she returned with tea and cookies, they began to chat, and of course, the priest tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water, and the strange floater. Soon it got the better of him and he could resist no longer.

"Sister," he asked, "I wonder if you could tell me about this?" (pointing to the crystal bowl)

"Oh, yes," she replied, "Isn't it wonderful?"

"I was walking downtown last fall and I found this little package. The directions said to put it on the organ, keep it wet, and it would prevent disease. And you know I haven't had a cold all winter!"

Bob calls in to his job: "Hey, boss I'm not coming to work today. I'm really sick. I got a headache, stomach ache, and my legs hurt, so I'm not coming into work."

The boss says: "You know Bob, I really need you today. When I feel like this I go to my wife, and tell her to give me sex. That makes me feel better, and I can go to work. You should try that."

2 hours later Bob calls: "Boss, I did what you said, and I feel great! I'll be at work soon. By the way, you got nice house."

A little boy came home from school and his homework assignment was to find out what the difference was between hypothetically and realistically... so he asked his dad.

His dad said, "Well, go ask your mom if she would sleep with the mail man for $1,000,000."

He went and asked and came back and said, "She said yes."

"Well", said the dad, "Go ask your sister the same question."

He did and came back and said, "She said yes."

And the dad said, "Now go ask your brother the same thing."

He did and came back and said, "He said yes too!"

And the dad said, "Well hypothetically we're sitting on three million dollars, realistically we're living with 2 whores and a fag!"

Your mounted deer head sports a baseball cap and sunglasses.

The primary color of your car is "Bond-Q."

Your mother does not remove the marlboro from her lips before telling the state patrolman to kiss her ass.

You grow your sideburns longer and fuller because it looks so good on your sister.

Less than half the cars you own run.

Your junior-senior prom had a day-care center.

Someone asks to see your I.D. and you show them your belt buckle.