Worst jokes

Once some boys got together to play poker one night, after about 4 hours of playing, Tim had severe chest pains and suddenly slumped over, one of the gamblers who happened to be a doctor, examined him, and to everybodies shock, poor Tim had died of a heart attack.

All his friends didn't know how to break the news to his wife, finally Johnny said:

- I can be diplomatic about it and break the news gently!.

Johnny rang the bell at Tim's house, and when his wife answered the door, he calmly said to her:

- Tim just gambled with us and lost 1,000 dollars!

When Tim's wife heard this she said:

- Tell him to just drop dead!

Johnny answered:

- That's exactly what he did!.

The way to a man's heart is through his feet (but you need a long knife).

Why do men pay more than women for car insurance?
→ Because women don't get blowjobs while they're driving.

THE MASTERCARD COMMERCIAL ALL MEN ARE WAITING FOR

- Cover charge: $15.00

- Round of drinks: $23.00

- Table dance: $30.00

- Another round of drinks: $23.00

- Couch dance and tips: $50.00

- A round of shots: $34.00

- A Bottle of Dom and a Limo home: 125.00

- Private dance in your hotel room: $300.00

- Sending her on her way and never having to hear her complain: Priceless

For everthing else.... There's MasterCard

Two brothers enlisting in the Army were getting their physicals. During the inspection, the doctor was surprised to discover that both of them possessed incredibly long, oversized penises.

- How do you account for this? - he asked the brothers.

- It's hereditary, sir - the older one replied.

- I see - said the doctor, writing in his file.

- Your father's the reason for your elongated penises?

- No sir, our mother.

- Your mother? You idiot, women don't have penises!

- I know, sir - replied the recruit, but she only had one arm, and when it came to getting us out of the bathtub, she had to manage as best she could.

What is the definition of ultimate rejection?
→ Your hand falling asleep while masturbating.

Have you heard the one about the . . . .
. . . recent survey on cigarettes which found that 90% of the men that tried Camels still prefer women.

How is a man like a snow fall?
→ You never know how many inches you'll get or how long it will last.

What is a man's best friend?
→ His dick because it always sitcks up for him.

Men come in three sizes:
Small, medium, and Oh My God!!!