Worst jokes

An old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship holding her hat on tight, so that it would not blow off in the wind.

A gentleman approached her and said:

- Pardon me, madam. I do not intend to be forward, but did you know that your dress is blowing up in this high wind?

- Yes, I know - said the lady.

- I need both hands to hold onto this hat.

- But, madam, you must know that your privates are exposed! - said the gentleman in earnest.

The woman looked down, then back up at the man and replied:

- Sir, anything you see down there is 85 years old. I just bought this hat yesterday!

An elderly man thinking his wife was losing her hearing went about 20' behind her and asked "Can you hear me sweetheart?" No reply. Moved to 10' and inquired again. No reply. 5' and not a word. A few inches behind ear, he asked "Can you hear me now honey?" His wife said "For the fourth time, yes."

This old man in his eighties got up and was putting on his coat.

His wife said:

- Where are you going?

He said:

- I'm going to the doctor.

And she said:

- Why? Are you sick?

- No - he said.

- I'm going to get me some of those new Viagra pills.

So his wife got up out of her rocker and was putting on her sweater and he said:

- Where are you going?

She said:

- I'm going to the doctor too.

He said:

- Why?

She said:

- If you're going to start using that rusty old thing again, I'm going to get a tetanus shot.

Willy's rolling down the hall of a retirement home acting like he's driving a car, an orderly turns the corner and asks Willy what he's doing.

Willy replies:

- I'm going to Chicago for the weekend.

The orderly chuckles and enters Bob's room to check on him.

He catchs Bob pleasuring himself, when asked what he is doing, Bob replies:

- I'm screwing Willy's old lady while he's away in Chicago.

A young boy was visiting his grandfather's farm when one day he walks out behind the barn and sees his grandfather playing with himself.

The boy says:

- What are you doing grandpa, jacking off?

Grandpa replies:

- No sonny, just jacking!

An old couple is on a walk, when a pigeon flies by and deposits a poopy little present on the woman's head. "Yech!" says the woman. "Get some toilet paper." "What for? He must be half-a-mile away by now."

A little old lady walked into the bank, cashed a small check, and started out. Passing the armed guard, she smiled and said, "You can go home now."

How do you get four old ladies to say the F word?
→ Have the fifth one say.... BINGO!

Joe still enjoyed chasing girls when he got to be 70.

When his wife was asked if she minded, she answered:

- Why should I be upset? Dogs chase cars, but they can't drive.

Seems this elderly couple went to the clinic and asked to be tested for HIV. When the counselor asked why they felt that they should be tested at their age, the old man said, "Well, we heard on TV that people should be tested after annual sex!"