A dumb blonde was bragging about her knowledge of the state capitals of the United States. She proudly announced:
- go ahead, ask me any of the capitals, I know all of them.
A red head said:
- O.K., what's the capital of Wyoming?
The blonde replied:
- Oh, that's easy, 'W'.
A blonde who got a fishing rod for her birthday decided to go ice fishing to make good use of her gift. Early the next morning, she got all her gear together and headed out to the ice.
When she reached her final destination, she cut a large hole in the ice and dipped the rod in. Then suddenly she heard a voice that said:
- There are no fish in there.
So she moves to another spot and cuts another hole, but then the same voice spoke again and told her there were no fish in there.
So she moves again, and the voice tells her there are no fish in there. So she looks up and sees an irritated man staring down at her.
- How do you know there are no fish there? - asks the blonde.
So the man cooly says:
- Well first of all, this is a hockey rink, and second of all, you're going to have to pay for those holes.
How do blonde braincells die?
→ Alone.
How do you brainwash a blonde?
→ Give her a douche and shake her upside down.
How do you change a blonde's mind?
→ Blow in her ear.
How do you measure a blonde's intelligence?
→ Stick a tire pressure gauge in her ear!
How does a blonde kill a fish?
→ She drowns it.
A blond going to London on a plane, how can you steal her window seat?
→ Tell her the seats that are going to London are all in the middle row.
How do you amuse a blonde for hours?
→ Write 'Please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper
A blonde and a brunette are skydiving.
The brunette jumps out the plane and pulls the cord -- nothing happens.
She pulls the emergency cord and still nothing.
The blonde finally jumps out of the plane and yells:
- Oh! So you wanna race, huh?
Two blondes were driving along a road by a wheat field when they saw a blonde in the middle of the field rowing a row boat.
The driver blonde turned to her friend and said:
- You know - it's blondes like that that give us a bad name!
To this, the other blonde replies:
- I know it, and if I knew how to swim, I'd go out there and drown her.
One day, while a blonde was out driving her car, she ran into a truck.
The truck's driver made her pull over into a parking lot and get out of the car.
He took a piece of chalk and drew a circle on the pavement. He told her to stand in the middle and not leave the circle.
Furious, he went over to her car and slashed the tires.
The blonde started laughing.
This made the man angrier so he smashed her windshield.
This time the blonde laughed even harder.
Livid, the man broke all her windows and keyed her car.
The blonde is now laughing hysterically, so the truck driver asks her what's so funny.
The blonde giggles and replies:
- When you weren't looking, I stepped out of the circle three times!
A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender:
- Wanna hear a blonde joke?
In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says:
- Before you tell that joke, you should know something.
- Our bartender IS blonde, the bouncer is blonde. I'm a 6' tall, 200 lb black belt. The guy sitting next to me is 6'2", weighs 225, and he's a rugby player. The fella to your right is 6'5" pushing 300 and he's a wrestler. Each one of US is blonde. Think about it, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?
The blind guy says:
- Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times.
A number twelve walks into a bar and asks the barman for a pint of beer.
- Sorry I can't serve you - states the barman.
- Why not?! - asks the number twelve with anger showing in its voice.
- You're under 18 - replies the barman.
A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink.
- Why of course - comes the reply.
The first man then asks:
- Where are you from?
- I'm from Ireland - replies the second man.
The first man responds:
- You don't say, I'm from Ireland too! Let's have another round to Ireland.
- Of course - replies the second man.
I'm curious, the first man then asks:
- Where in Ireland are you from?
- Dublin - comes the reply.
- I can't believe it - says the first man.
- I'm from Dublin too! Let's have another drink to Dublin.
- Of course - replies the second man.
Curiosity again strikes and the first man asks:
- What school did you go to?
- Saint Mary's - replies the second man.
- I graduated in '62.
- This is unbelievable! - the first man says.
- I went to Saint Mary's and I graduated in '62, too!
About that time in comes one of the regulars and sits down at the bar. - What's been going on? - he asks the bartender.
- Nothing much - replies the bartender.
- The O'Kinly twins are drunk again.
Two cartons of yogurt walk into a bar. The bartender, who was a tub of cottage cheese, says to them, "We don't serve your kind in here." One of the yogurt cartons says back to him, "Why not? We're cultured individuals."
