An elderly fisherman wrote to a mail order house the following:
- Please send me one of those gasoline engines for my boat you show on page 438, and if it's any good, I'll send you a check.
In a short time he received the following reply:
- Please send check. If it's any good, we'll send the engine.
Sherlock Holmes and Matthew Watson were on a camping and hiking trip. They had gone to bed and were lying there looking up at the sky.
- Watson, look up. What do you see?
- Well, I see thousands of stars.
- And what does that mean to you?
- Well, I guess it means we will have another nice day tomorrow. What does it mean to you, Holmes?
- To me, it means someone has stolen our tent.
Two friends rented a boat and fished in a lake every day. One day they caught 30 fish. One guy said to his friend:
- Mark this spot so that we can come back here again tomorrow.
The next day, when they were driving to rent the boat, the same guy asked his friend:
- Did you mark that spot?
His friend replied:
- Yeah, I put a big 'X' on the bottom of the boat.
The first one said:
- You stupid fool! What if we don't get that same boat today!?!?
There were these two guys out hiking when they came upon an old, abandoned mine shaft. Curious about its depth they threw in a pebble and waited for the sound of it striking the bottom, but they heard nothing. They went and got a bigger rock, threw it in and waited. Still nothing. They searched the area for something larger and came upon a railroad tie. With great difficulty, the two men carried it to the opening and threw it in.
While waiting for it to hit bottom, a goat suddenly darted between them and leapt into the hole! The guys were still standing there with astonished looks upon their faces from the actions of the goat when a man walked up to them. He asked them if they had seen a goat anywhere in the area and they said that one had just jumped into the mine shaft in front of them!
The man replied:
- Oh no. That couldn't be my goat, mine was tied to a railroad tie.
A hunter visited another hunter and was given a tour of his home. In the den was a stuffed lion. The visiting hunter asked:
- when did you bag him?
The host said:
- that was three years ago, when I went hunting with my wife.
- What's he stuffed with - asked the visiting hunter.
- My wife.
A couple of young fellers were fishing at their special pond off the beaten track when out of the bush's jumped the Game Warden !!
Immediately, one of the boys threw his rod down and started running through the woods, and hot on his heels came the Game Warden.
After about a half mile the fella stopped and stooped over with his hands on his thighs to catch his breath and the Game Warden finally caught up to him.
- Lets see yer fishin license, Boy !! - the Warden gasped. With that, the fella pulled out his wallet and gave the Game Warden a valid fishing license.
- Well, son - said the Game Warden.
- You must be about as dumb as a box of rocks !! You don't have to run from me if you have a valid license!
- Yes Sir - replied the young feller.
- But my friend back there, well, he don't have one...
Two Polish hunters were driving through the country to go bear hunting. They came upon a fork in the road where a sign read "BEAR LEFT" so they went home.
Two men went bear hunting. While one stayed in the cabin, the other went out looking for a bear. He soon found a huge bear, shot at it but only wounded it.
The enraged bear charged toward him, he dropped his rifle and started running for the cabin as fast as he could. He ran pretty fast but the bear was just a little faster and gained on him with every step. Just as he reached the open cabin door, he tripped and fell flat.
Too close behind to stop, the bear tripped over him and went rolling into the cabin.
The man jumped up, closed the cabin door and yelled to his friend inside:
- You skin this one while I go and get another!
An avid duck hunter was in the market for a new bird dog. His search ended when he found a dog that could actually walk on water to retrieve a duck. Shocked by his find, he was sure none of his friends would ever believe him.
He decided to try to break the news to a friend of his, the eternal pessimist who refused to be impressed with anything. This, surely, would impress him. He invited him to hunt with him and his new dog.
As they waited by the shore, a flock of ducks flew by. they fired, and a duck fell. The dog responded and jumped into the water. The dog, however, did not sink but instead walked across the water to retrieve the bird, never getting more than his paws wet. This continued all day long; each time a duck fell, the dog walked across the surface of the water to retrieve it. The pessimist watched carefully, saw everything, but did not say a single word.
On the drive home the hunter asked his friend:
- Did you notice anything unusual about my new dog?
- I sure did - responded the pessimist.
- He can't swim.
An out-of-towner drove his car into a ditch in a desolated area. Luckily, a local farmer came to help with his big strong horse named Buddy.
He hitched Buddy up to the car and yelled:
- Pull, Nellie, pull.
Buddy didn't move.
Then the farmer hollered:
- Pull, Buster, pull.
Buddy didn't respond.
Once more the farmer commanded:
- Pull, Jennie, pull.
Nothing.
Then the farmer nonchalantly said:
- Pull, Buddy, pull.
And the horse easily dragged the car out of the ditch.
The motorist was most appreciative and very curious. He asked the farmer why he called his horse by the wrong name three times.
The farmer said:
- Oh, Buddy is blind, and if he thought he was the only one pulling, he wouldn't even try!
