Worst jokes

What usually happens when a man puts his best foot forward?
→ It ends up in his mouth!

What happens when a man tries to hide his baldness by combing his hair across his head?
→ The truth comes shining through.

How do most men compare to Mel Gibson?
→ They have everything he has, except for talent, money, and looks.

Element: Woman
Symbol: Wo
Atomic Weight: Accepted as 118, but known to vary 105-175.

Discoverer: Adam
Occurrence: Copious quantities in all Urban areas, with slightly lower concentrations in Suburban and Rural areas. Subject to seasonal fluctuations.

Physical Properties:
a) Surface usually covered with painted film.
b) Boils at nothing, freezes without reason.
c) Melts if given special treatment.
d) Bitter if used incorrectly. Can cause headaches. Handle with care!
e) Found in various states; ranging from virgin metal to common ore.
f) Yields to pressure applied to correct points.

Chemical Properties:
a) Has great affinity for Gold, Silver, Platinum and many precious stones.
b) Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances.
c) May explode spontaneously if left alone on dates.
d) Insoluble in liquids, but there is increased activity when saturated in alcohol to a certain point.
e) Repels cheap material. Neutral to common sense.
f) Most powerful money reducing agent known to Man.

Uses:
a) Highly ornamental, especially in sports cars.
b) Can greatly improve relaxation levels.
c) Can warm and comfort under some circumstances.
d) Can cool things down when it's too hot.

Tests:
a) Pure specimen turns rosy pink when discovered in natural state.
b) Turns green when placed beside a better specimen.

Caution:
a) Highly dangerous except in experienced hands. Use extreme care when handling.
b) Illegal to possess more than one.

Women dream of world peace, a safe environment, and eliminating hunger. What do men dream of?
→ Being stuck in an elevator with the Doublemint twins.

How could Will Rogers say:

- I never met a man I didn't like?

→ He never had to date one.

How can you tell if a man you're dating is lazy?
→ He throws his kisses.

What do you call a man who expects to have sex on the second date?
→ Slow.

What can a woman find at both gyms and singles bars?
→ Dumbbells.

What is the one thing that all men at singles bars have in common?
→ They're married.