Worst jokes

For their golden anniversary, a couple decides to repeat their honeymoon trip. They drive to the Poconos and find the same romantic lodge is still there. A vibrant young couple, clearly very much in love, is checking in when they arrive.

The husband says:

- I'll just nip around by their window and see what they are doing. We can maybe get some ideas to spice up our 50th year!

Sure enough, through a crack in the curtains he sees the young couple engaged in foreplay. They are naked, sitting on the floor some distance apart with their legs spread. The young man is shooting marbles, aiming to lodge them between her vertical lips; she is tossing doughnuts, aiming to ring them around his erect member. After a few minutes of this, they rush together and make mad tumultuous love like crazed weasels.

The old man is quite excited by this idea, and makes his way back to his eagerly waiting wife. He describes the game, his wife getting more and more aroused herself.

- Darling, this is going to be so good - she says.

- Run right out and get some grapefruit and Lifesavers!

A man and his wife were celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary at the same hotel in the same room where they spent their wedding night.

In honor of the occasion, she bought a $400.00 silk see-through negligee. After taking off her clothes in the bathroom, she realized that she had left the negligee in the suitcase.

Coming out of the bathroom to get it, her husband remarked:

- Geez, for $400.00, you'd think they could have ironed the damn thing!

A 70-year-old man has never been married. One day, he meets a beautiful 17-year-old girl, and it is love at first sight. They get married and go to Florida for their honeymoon.

When they get back, his friend says to him:

- So, tell me, how was it?

- Oh, it was beautiful - says the man.

- The sun, the surf, we made love almost every night, we -

His friend interrupts him:

- A man your age! How did you make love almost every night?

- Oh - says the man.

- we almost made love Monday, we almost made love Tuesday...

This old geezer of 78 marries a girl of 18. The morning after the wedding night, the girl comes down with a pained expression on her face.

- What's the matter, dear? - asks the woman at the front desk.

- Well - sniffed the girl.

- He told me he'd been saving up for 60 years, and I thought he meant his money!

An old man of 70 married a young girl of 18. When they got into bed the night after the wedding, he held up three fingers.

- Oh honey - said the young nymph.

- Does that mean we're going to do it three times?

- No - said the old man.

- it means you can take your pick.

A woman is on her honeymoon with her new French husband. She is giving him oral sex when the phone rings.

The husband answers it, to find out is his mother-in-law, asking for her daughter.

He says:

- She cannot talk rrright now, she 'as a frog in ze thrrrought.

My wife is so immature, every time I take a bath, she comes in and sinks my little boats!

In desperation, the young bride finally wrote to Xaviera Hollander:

I'm married to a sex maniac. My husband never leaves me alone. He makes love to me all night long, while I'm in the shower, while I'm cooking breakfast, while I'm making the beds, and even while I'm trying to clean the house. Can you tell me what to do?

Signed, Worn Out

P.S. Please excuse the jerky handwriting

Johnny and Betsy just got married after having graduated as Aggies and are driving to Austin for their honeymoon. Along the way, Johnny, who's at the wheel, reaches over and places his hand on Betsy's knee.

Betsy smiles and blushes, and says:

- Oh Johnny, we're married now, you can go farther than that!

So they drove to Laredo for their honeymoon instead.

A young couple were on their honeymoon. The husband was sitting in the bathroom on the edge of the bathtub saying to himself:

- Now how can I tell my wife that I've got really smelly feet and that my socks absolutely stink? I've managed to keep it from her while we were dating, but she's bound to find out sooner or later that my feet stink. Now how do I tell her?

Meanwhile, the wife was sitting in the bed saying to herself:

- Now how do I tell my husband that I've got really bad breath? I've been very lucky to keep it from him while we were courting, but as soon as he's lived with me for a week, he's bound to find out. Now how do I tell him gently?

The husband finally plucks up enough courage to tell his wife and so he walks into the bedroom. He walks over to the bed, climbs over to his wife, puts his arm around her neck, moves his face very close to hers and says:

- Darling, I've a confession to make.

And she says:

- So have I, love.

To which he replies:

- Don't tell me, you've eaten my socks!