Worst jokes

What kind of cereal do cats eat?
→ Mice Crispies!

Yo mamma's so stupid she got trapped in a bathroom and wet her pants!

A site foreman had ten very lazy men working for him, so one day he decided to trick them into doing some work for a change.

- I've got a really easy job today for the laziest one among you - he announced.

- Will the laziest man please put his hand up.

Nine hands went up.

- Why didn't you put your hand up? - he asked the tenth man.

- Too much trouble - came the reply.

Three friends died and went to heaven. The first friend, Sarah, was the first one to go into the pearly gates and meet "God".

- Hello Sarah, it is so nice to see you here - God said to her.

- Please make yourself at home and do whatever you want. Slide down the rainbows, sleep on the clouds, just have fun. BUT DON'T Step on the ducks - God said.

- We love and cherish ducks here.

So, Sarah goes on her merry way and enjoys herself. Until OPPS! She steps on a duck. Suddenly the ugliest, most hideous man pops up and Sarah realized she must spend the rest of her life with him.

Next, Olivia goes into the pearly gates and God tells her the same thing:

- Do whatever you want, just DON'T step on the ducks.

So, Olivia goes on her way and OPPS! She steps on a duck. And she, too has to spend the rest of her life with a ugly, hideous man.

The last friend, Jenn, goes to meet and God and he tells her the same thing:

- DON'T STEP on the ducks.

Finally, a few weeks lateer, Olivia and Sarah are with their ugly men and they run into Jenn. And Jenn is with the most gorgeous guy that anyone had seen.

- How did you get so lucky and have such a hot guy? - Sarah asked her.

And the gorgeous guy looks up and says:

- I stepped on a Duck!

Why was Tigger lickin' the toilet?
→ Cause he was lookin' for Pooh!

A lady went skiing and halfway down the hill had to go to the bathroom. No facilities nearby, she decided to find a sheltered area, dropped her pants and proceeded to relieve herself.

Suddenly she found herself beginning to slide backwards. Out into the open and down the slope with her pants around her knees. She crashed and broke her leg.

The paramedics rushed her to the local hospital. Her doctor walked into her room laughing his head off. He said:

- You're not going to believe this, but the guy in the next room claims he fell off the ski lift and broke his leg because he saw a naked lady skiing backwards down the mountain!

- So, how did you break YOUR leg??

An old sailor goes to a brothel, where he chooses his girl and begins.

- How am I doing? - he asks.

- Three knots - she replies.

- Three knots? What's that mean?

- You're not hard, you're not in, and you're not getting your money back.

In order to streamline the handling of problems within the system. Please fill out the following questionnaire before sending it in for Help. With your co-operation we should be able to provide faster and more efficient fault resolution.

COMPUTER PROBLEM REPORT FORM

1. Describe your problem:
2. Now, describe the problem accurately:
3. Speculate wildly about the cause of the problem:
4. Problem Severity:
   (A) Minor [ ]
   (B) Minor [ ]
   (C) Minor [ ]
   (D) Trivial [ ]
5. Nature of the problem:
   (A) Locked Up [ ]
   (B) Frozen [ ]
   (C) Hung [ ]
   (D) Shot [ ]
6. Is your computer plugged in? Yes [ ] No [ ]
7. Is it turned on? Yes [ ] No [ ]
8. Have you tried to fix it yourself? Yes [ ] No [ ]
9. Have you made it worse? Yes [ ]
10. Have you read the manual? Yes [ ] No [ ]
11. Are you sure you've read the manual? Yes [ ] No [ ]
12. Are you absolutely certain you've read the manual? No [ ]
13. Do you think you understood it? Yes [ ] No [ ]
14. If 'Yes' then why can't you fix the problem yourself?
15. How tall are you? Are you above this line?
16. What were you doing with your computer at the time the problem occurred?
17. If 'nothing' explain why you were logged in.
18. Are you sure you aren't imagining the problem? Yes [ ] No [ ]
19. How does this problem make you feel?
20. Tell me about your childhood.
21. Do you have any independent witnesses of the problem? Yes [ ] No [ ]
22. Can't you do something else, instead of bothering me? Yes [ ]

Why did the rabbit cross the road?
→ Chicken's day off!

What's the difference between a drug dealer and a prostitute?
→ A prostitute can wash her crack and sell it again.