Worst jokes

Two guys are bungee-jumping one day. The first guy says to the second:

- You know, we could make a lot of money running our own bungee-jumping service in Mexico.

The second guy thinks this is a great idea, so the two pool their money and buy everything they'll need - a tower, an elastic cord, insurance, etc.

They travel to Mexico and begin to set up on the square. As they are constructing the tower, a crowd begins to assemble. Slowly, more and more people gather to watch them at work.

The first guy jumps. He bounces at the end of the cord, but when he comes back up, the second guy notices that he has a few cuts and scratches. Unfortunately, the second guy isn't able catch him, he falls again, bounces and comes back up again.

This time, he is bruised and bleeding. Again, the second guy misses him. The first guy falls again and bounces back up. This time, he comes back pretty messed up - he's got a couple of broken bones and is almost unconscious.

Luckily, the second guy finally catches him this time and says:

- What happened? Was the cord too long?

The first guy says:

- No, the cord was fine, but what the heck is a 'pinata'?

Three women always hang their laundry out in the backyard. When it rains, however, the laundry always get wet. All the laundry, that is, except for Sophie's. The other two women wonder why Sophie never has her laundry out on the days that it rains.

So one day, they are all out in the backyard putting their clothes on the line when one of the women says to Sophie:

- Say, how come when it rains, your laundry is never out?

- Well - says Sophie - when I wake up in the morning, I look over at Saul. If his penis is hanging over his right leg, I know it's going to be a great day, and I can hang out the wash. If his penis is hanging over his left leg, I know it's going to rain, so I don't hang out the wash.

- What if he has an erection? - asks one of the women.

- Honey - says Sophie - on a day like that, you don't do the laundry!

One fall day, Dave was out raking leaves when he noticed a hearse going down the street, followed by another hearse, followed by a man walking solemnly along, followed by a dog, and then about 200 men walking in single file.

Intrigued, Dave went up to the man following the second hearse and asked who was in the first one:

- My wife - the man replied.

- I'm sorry - said Dave.

- What happened to her?

- My dog bit her and she died.

Dave was taken aback.

- And who's in the second hearse?

- My mother-in-law. My dog bit her too and she died as well.

Dave asked:

- Can I borrow your dog?

- Get in line.

One day some guys were doing a survey between "boxers" or "briefs".

They went to a 25 year old man and said:

- boxers or briefs? - He said briefs.

They went to a 40 year old man and said:

- boxers or briefs? - He said boxers.

Then they went up to a 80 year old man and said:

- boxers or briefs?

And the old man replied:

- depends?

What do you call a buncha Blondes in a freezer???
→ Frosted Flakes

Yo Mommas so fat that even Richard Simmons makes fun of her!!!!

There was a hooker with a bunch of other hookers. The police came, and said for all of the girls to line up.

Then the hooker's gramma came and said:

- Why are all of you girls lined up?

The girl didn't want her gramma to know what she did for a living so the girl said:

- We're lined up to buy oranges

The police talked to every girl individually, and when they got to gramma the police said:

- How do you do it, you're so old?!?

Gramma says:

- It's easy, just peel it down and suck it dry!

What does the left leg of a nymphomaniac say to her right leg?
→ Nothing, they have never met.

Two guys, of limited intelligence, were on a ship that sank in the middle of the ocean. They managed to inflate a rubber life raft and grab a box of provisions before their ship slipped under the surface.

After floating under blazing heat, for 6 days, they ran out of food and water. On the 10th day, bleary eyed and half dead from heat, thirst and starvation, they spotted a small object floating toward them in the water. As it drew near, they were ecstatic to find that it was an old oil lamp (the kind that genies come in).

They grabbed the lamp and rubbed it. Out popped a tired old genie who said:

- OK, so you freed me from the stupid lamp, but hey, I've been doing this 3-wishes stuff for a while now and quite frankly, I'm burned out. You guys only get 1 wish and then I'm outta here. Make it a good one.

The first guy, blurted out, without thinking:

- Give us all the beer we can drink for the rest of our lives!

- Fine - said the genie - and he instantly turned the entire ocean to beer.

- Great move, Einstein - said the second guy, slapping the first guy in the side of the head.

- Now we're gonna have to piss in the boat.

A blonde and a brunette were watching the 11:00 pm news. The current news story was about a man up on a ledge and threatening to jump, when the station cuts to a commercial.

- Brunette: I bet you $20 he's going to jump.

- Blonde: OK.

(Back to newscast: He jumped!)

- Blonde: OK. I lost. Here's my $20 to you.

- Brunette: No, that was too easy. I can't take it.

- Blonde: I insist. I lost.

- Brunette: I have a confession to make. I saw the same thing on the 6:00pm news and I knew he jumped. So it wasn't really a good bet.

- Blonde: I know. I saw the same newscast at 6 too. But I didn't think he would be stupid enough to jump TWICE!