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There's a man and his wife who own a pub, and have a dog called Fido, who's 24, which is very old for a dog. One day the dog tragically dies, and they bury him but keep his tail separate as a memorial.

That night, the man hears a strange noise and rushes downstairs to find the dog's ghost, demanding for his tail back.

The man was just about to give the tail back when the wife rushed down and said:

- Don't give it back! Don't give it back!

- Why? - asked the man.

- You're not allowed to retail spirits after 12:00!

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Do you know why Polish men, when they go to sleep, bring one glass full of water and one cup empty?

It's because they doesn't know if they'll be thirsty or not.

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An old woman walks into a drug store and asks the young man behind the counter if they sell extra large condoms. The clerk looks at the woman quizzically, but shrugs and tells her:

- yes, we do.

They're right here behind the counter.

The old woman thanks the clerk and stands there, and stands there, and stands there.

The clerk asks the old woman:

- is there something else I can help you with, Ma'am?.

The woman smiles sweetly at the clerk and says:

- no, thank you, son.

I'm just waiting here to see who buys them.

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A blonde and brunette were walking down the road.

The brunette see's her husband, and he is carrying flowers.

The brunette says to the blonde:

- now I'm going to half to spread my legs! - and the blonde says:

- why? don't you have a vase?

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There was a blonde whose house was on fire. She called the fire department and asked them to come put it out. When they asked how to get to her house, and she rolled her eyes and said... "Duh, use the big red truck!"

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